Floating Vacation Day Thoughts

- I have been sitting on my brothers couch for over an hour doing re-entry stuff... bank account updating, personal email, work email, etc.

- I hate re-entry stuff, even when done while still on vacation (although I think in the end it will make the actual re-entry from vacation easier).

- I wish I could post a pic, because where I'm sitting is pretty cool! My bro has a 120 inch "screen" (actually a projector on a wall) which he and Mark are using to play Need 4 Speed Undercover with the racing steering wheel setup. It pretty much feels like you are driving in real life. We are all on couches with the mini-bar, mini-fridge, mini-microwave within reach. We've already used the "I DO Movie Room" (it's named after the pics of the "I DO BREW" label that was on the special beer my uncle made them for their wedding rehearsal dinner) for about 3 movie showings since we've been here. Last night the movie showing was WANTED on blu-ray. Pretty sweet!!!

- I was trying to determine if I could afford to go snowboarding with Mark and everyone tomorrow but after realizing I'll have a $200+ bill for school books when I get back and still need to DEQ and license our vehicles, clinches my decision... no. In a couple weeks I will forget I missed out on anything anyway.

- Speaking of cars (in the plural sense), did I mention my parent's are giving us their minivan? MAJOR BLESSING!!! See, they want us to have a place for grandkids (whenever that time comes) and we can't afford to get another/different vehicle. We are driving it home from MT and are VERY excited to have a vehicle that will hold people and stuff!!

- Did I mention I'm taking classes next semester? I start on the 5th. Scary!!! That is how I am choosing to spend my extra time and hope I can make enough $$ from concerts and side projects to cover the expenses. I'm really thankful that Janet and my job at Sunset Pres is flexible enough to let me adjust my hours to accommodate the new schedule.

- Today was our vacation transition day. The rest of the visiting family left yesterday and Mark and I are moving over to JR & Molly's place from my parents. We wanted to spread the love. We are still over at Mom & Dad's for meals and stuff though. It's fun to have extra time to hang and all that.

- Mark bought me the book Twilight for Christmas (I had heard it was good) and am over half way and LOVING it!!! Which is weird since I hate vampires. It's been hard to put it down and be social. I'm trying to pace myself.

- I'm excited and nervous to go home because in addition to feeling like December was a weird month with Mark being gone, so many snow days, and being on vacation for 2 weeks, I start school. I didn't decide to start school until mid way through December so haven't had much time to process. Can I do it??? Oh, and we'll have another car... which totally changes our life dynamic. So in other words, we will be creating a new normal and life as we've known it is completely different.

- I enjoyed driving around a little on the snowy roads since I've been here. After our time in OR I was glad to find out I still had good snow legs. Mark too. Although the snow has now mostly melted off the roads.

- The guys are buying more cars now that they passed another level in the game and all this talk of reading makes me want to put the computer down and grab my book for a few minutes before we head to the parent's place for dinner.

Happy New Year!!!

Our Snowy Adventure #2

We are supposed to be driving with my aunt and uncle and their 2 kids, to Montana tomorrow night. Up until today things were looking okay.

This morning my uncle called me and said that the Gorge route is closed and is supposed to be possibly as late as Wednesday... that doesn't fit in with our plans since that is the route we need to go. 

Jerry & Andrea (my uncle and aunt) don't have as much time as we do for the trip so leaving a lot later isn't entirely an option for them. We on the other hand, don't have to be back at work until the 5th. So we're trying to stay open to plan B (which won't get us there by Christmas Day, but whatever). 

I'll try and update more when things play out. If we end up with plan B it will mean quite the adventure for Mark and me, but we seen to have a knack for running into adventurous travel situations.

Our Snowy Adventure #1

Yesterday we woke up to lots of snow. It kept snowing. And snowing. And snowing. In the morning we had a nice breakfast and drank coffee while watching a movie and then decided to brave the weather and walk to Bridgeport (about 3.3 miles away) and take the bus back. I was going to suggest that we take the bus there too but Mark wanted the exercise. Since I had walked to Barb's twice this week and to our house once, figured it was more than doable. 

We were the only ones to make tracks in the snow part of the way. At least the most recent layer. By the time we got there we were questioning our decision because we were cold and hadn't seen a bus the entire time. But since we were there we opted to move forward with the movie. 

7 Pounds was good! Sad, but good. 

We got out a little before 4 and headed straight for the bus stop where we got the stop ID and called to find out where the bus was at, only 5.5 miles away. An hour later we were still waiting and called like the 10th time to get the status and it was 3.3 miles away!! The last time it had only been 1.2 miles away!! We were starting to wonder what on earth to do and why the bus suddenly back-tracked when we saw it coming around the corner. 

By that time we were really chilly! It hadn't stopped snowing the entire day!! Our toes were numb, our legs were cold, and we weren't even sure where this bus was taking us. After the bus died at 2-3 different stops, we got to the transit center, and were considerably warmer. It was about a mile from the house and we decided to just walk the rest of the way. We actually stayed pretty warm and made it home just fine. The hot shower and hot potato soup was the perfect end to our adventure. Actually, going to bed at 9 because we were so tired from our excursion (it's hard to walk in 1 foot of powder!) may have been the perfect end. 

On to snowy adventure #2, driving to Montana!!

Why we are at Barb's

So, I've had a few questions about why we are at Barb's. I was reminded of the reason just a few minutes ago when I heard a Mustang on the street and as I looked out the window and saw a car just like mine trying to get out and then back into their garage and barely got anywhere, slipping and sliding. 

That's why we're at Barb's. There is a more direct bus route to and from Mark's work (which he's used every day) and the potential to car pool with a 2 wheel drive car. She also likes the company and it's fun to hangout sometimes. My car is crappy in this weather, a joke really and I'd prefer not to put Simone in risk of getting messed up. Yes, it's the downfall of having your only car be a highly impractical rear-wheel-drive-wide-tired Mustang! Dad warmed me of that and I decided to move forward anyway.

Today Mark and I are moving back home. He already left for the bus and Barb and I are packing up stuff to head out. I have to pack all Mark's and my stuff from the past 5 days. We're heading into church so I can catch up on some work and help with Food & Toy. Mark and I will take Barb's car home (she's staying the night with friends) and we'll probably just hang at home for the weekend as the weather is predicted to keep up... it's snowing right now. 

Snow Days

I have to say, I think it's cool that I get snow days as an adult. Technically I never got them as a kid since we were homeschooled. But my mom was merciful sometimes and gave them to us after a big storm. In Wolf Point we got some wicked storms! Temps reached -40 with wind chill and when we'd go outside during the middle of the blizzard to check out what was happening we had to completely cover all skin. We didn't go out alone, dad went with us, and the dog. I can't believe our dog could survive that! Although if I remember correctly, she was always running and jumping around. She really seemed to love it!! She used to get ice balls in her paws and stop walking and try and bite them out but would always let us help her out by pulling them out. 

So far this week I've had 3 snow days. Although technically I wouldn't have been working today. I'm pleased at how productive I've been! Monday we packed 2 days worth of clothes into backpacks and hiked the 3.5 miles to Barb's, yesterday we went into work for half a day (hitched a ride with our friend Ken Mulder) and then a stop at the crowded grocery store and today Barb and I saw Mark off to catch the bus and headed out on our own adventure to walk from her house to my house and back. It's about 3.5 miles each way. 

We decided to go out earlier since the weather wasn't too bad yet. The walk went fine! Took a while, but otherwise was uneventful (except for seeing a car hit the curb when sliding around a turn). It's not an easy adventure, especially with ice covered sidewalks. There are significant hills, but they didn't kill us. 

When we got to my house it was a mild 43 degrees. yikes!! I left the heat on 50 to keep anything from getting messed up and grabbed another day's worth of clothes and a few items we forgot or wanted, warmed up some of our clothes in the dryer and in front of the fire and put on warmer pants under my jeans and a new fleece coat and headed back. I was a little bummed our Netflix hadn't arrived, but oh well.

It had started to snow again, which actually made the walk easier then on the way there because of the snow on top of the ice, which allowed for better traction. We stopped at the grocery store for a few items but were surprised that the way back seemed almost easier.

We arrived home in time for lunch and noticed the weather quickly turn. It actually started to snow part way back, but the wind picked up after we were safely home. 

After a bit of lunch and catch up time with email, I made some calls, worked on some work items and am going to move my party in front of the fire before starting on the second batch of cookies for Food & Toy drive. Figured might as well make good use of the time at home by baking for a good cause! We are having potato soup for dinner and I have to admit, I'm excited about that!!

The only bummer part of this snow day business is I can't get much (or hardly) any work done remotely!! I was glad for time in the office yesterday to gather some files to work on creating cue sheets, but since so much of what I do is making copies and other normal office flow, there just isn't much to work on from home. 

Concert Pictures

I'm still waiting to get the one of me with two of the ladies I work with at the concerts and Michael W Smith. But here are some others.

Michael on the piano and the backup singers with melinda in the middle.

Melinda singing with Michael in the background.

This was right after the show. I got tickets for Bruce, Barb, Ken and Sharon. I like this picture because you can also see how the stage was setup. The drapes were Rolling Hills', which looked fantastic!

I wanted to introduce Sharon to Melinda Doolittle since she also enjoyed watching her on American Idol. Sharon stuck around long enough that we snuck in at the end of the line to have her sign things and get a picture. 

Evening In December Pictures

Saturday the 5th I was privileged to host 7 friends at the Evening In December event. It was a blast! Here are pictures of how I set my table and who came.

These are my new Christmas dishes ;)

These are some little cakes I made with white chocolate drizzled on top with crumbled candy cane.

Me and my cousin Jenna.

Holly, Rose and Bethany. I work with Bethany and Rose's husbands and Holly's husband-to-be.

Raychel, Tracy, and Trisha. 

My 2 days in another world

Thursday and Friday I worked the Michael W Smith and Melinda Doolittle shows at Rolling Hills. It was awesome!! 

It all started Thursday when I picked up a 15 passenger rental van at the airport and drove to the church. By 11am I was driving one of the crew, Clay, to get chains for his equipment truck and then over to the hotel. I had time to kill before my next pick-up so we grabbed coffee at Starbucks at Pioneer Square. 

At 11:45 I picked up Kelley (Melinda's assistant, friend and one of the back-up singers) and headed to the airport to pick-up Melinda. As Kelley was waiving her down, I sat there thinking, "I can't believe I'm about to pick-up Melinda Doolittle!!"

We picked her up and headed to the church. They were both VERY nice!! And it was fun visiting with them a little. We got to the church and I got to sit with them and some of the other crew while eating a late lunch. I sat next to George Huff (sp?) who was on American Idol a season I didn't watch so I had no idea who he was and tried to make conversation by asking, "what do you do?" or something like that and later felt a bit silly when I found out who he was.

Oh, and in the craziness of the day I had left my purse at Starbucks!! Yikes!! I realized after I got back to the church and called over there and someone had turned it in and Clay was nice enough to go get it for me (even though it meant he had to carry a purse a couple blocks). Crazy!!

Things got underway with rehearsals and then box office opened and then doors opened and the show started. I ran out at 9 to pick-up the bus drivers from the hotel and then got back and was privileged to tag along when the promoter took almost the entire group to a nice dessert near the hotel. That was cool!! But I didn't get into bed until after 1:30!!

Yesterday morning I picked up Kelley and Melinda at the hotel at 9:20 and took them to a radio interview, which they were nice about letting me tag along to (I felt like entourage ;). It was cool to see how it all worked. They taped it to edit and air later, which I was able to catch later in the day. Then I drove them by Borders to pick up a book.

After I dropped them off at the hotel I killed 45 minutes by grabbing a quick bite at the Nordstrom cafe. Then I picked up Melinda, Kelley, and Michael W Smith to take them to the Ronald McDonald house and I GOT LOST!!! Talk about pressure! I felt so bad but eventually got them there. But not after taking a couple sudden u-turns across 4 lanes of traffic in a big van. Not sure I made the best first impression. After I dropped them off I took the time to make sure I knew how to get back to the hotel, which I'm glad to say I did without getting lost. 

I made another trip with Clay to a different hotel closer to the venue and one with bus drivers before making a run for bus stock (food) before the show and got to see the inside of the crew bus helping put the food in there. I was impressed with how clean it was. 

Last night there a couple more pick-ups and I got to sit in on part of the show and both nights I helped with the meet & greet line, which I enjoy. The entire thing was really cool!! 

During the intermission of last night's show I passed Melinda's dressing room and she asked me to come in for a second and showed me a huge bouquet of flowers that a fan gave her and told me she wanted me to have them (that was when I took the picture that's posted). So now I have a huge, beautiful, and wonderfully smelling bouquet of flowers on my coffee table. 

By the time I did the last run to pick-up the second bus driver last night, things were almost completely wrapped up at the church so I said a few good byes and then headed back to the airport to drop the van I had bonded so nicely with over the past 36 hours. 

I just finished cleaning my kitchen and am about to head to bed, with Mark!! Finally!! He went to bed about 20 minutes ago because it's like 4am his time and he really hasn't slept. He was gracious enough to stay awake through my work Christmas party. I have 1 or 2 more pictures to post when I get them. It was a crazy fun 2 days, but am glad to be slightly more back to normal. Although I love working those shows, the coolness of being around the artists is still very novel. By the way, the show was fantastic!! Both Michael W and Melinda really rocked it! And it was really neat to get to know her and will probably be one of the firsts to purchase her new album when it's realized February 3rd.

And that's all I have to say.

life

I've written like 2 blogs this week but haven't felt like any of them are worth posting. Right now I feel pretty bummed because Mark told me today that his trip is probably getting extended. Not sure how long but sounded like they would practically need a miracle tomorrow and even then wouldn't come home until Saturday.

Everything I write seems so dramatic and silly. But I will say that life without Mark just feels so far off that I struggle. It's hard to do normal daily life without him around and if that's dramatic and silly, then I'm happy to admit that I'm that way.

There are things happening in my life but it seems to take all I have in a day to look at God and plow through. So I'll try and update more when my better half comes back and I can feel whole enough to look past this current solo status.

I remember my mom once telling me that in marriage you can feel more complete but you can also feel more lonely. Although my husband is returning and our marriage is wonderful, having him away makes me feel more lonely than before (not to discount those of you who live every day that way... I'm just saying, this is how I feel in the moment). It's like getting a glimpse of how great it can be and then having it taken away. But fortunate for me the taken away part is only temporary and I'm trying to keep focused on the light at the end of the tunnel!

A day in the life part 2

I can't remember exactly where I left off, but I think it was when I was upstairs and had just finished the bathroom. So here's how the rest of the day played out:

3:00 put cleaning supplies away, started bath mats in the washer, put laptop and stereo back downstairs and vacuumed the entire house. I hate vacuuming more then any other task, EVER, so was glad when that part was over. 

3:30ish got cake batter ready to bake and the oven on, took a break to write some email then put the cake batter in the molds and put them in the oven then started the gingersnap cookie dough... took my time with this as I wasn't going to be able to bake them for a while. 

4:15 baked a couple more molds of the little cakes and got the cookie dough mixed up. Also put Elf on the tv. 

Honestly, this is about as much as I remember. There was some running around getting all the stuff out for my Evening In December table for tomorrow night and getting changed (never got out of my workout clothes) into my pjs to head over to Barb's for the evening and night. I'm about to load up the car and head to Barb's where I'll finish baking the cookies and enjoy dinner and maybe a movie.

Hope you have a great weekend!

A day in the life

What would YOU do with every Friday off? Well, here's what I did today. (By the way, I'm stealing this idea from a previous blog of Jocelyn's) 

Next Friday will be different since I'm working the Michael W Smith concert, but today, this is it:

7:00am roll out of bed, brush teeth and throw on gym clothes

7:35 meet Trisha at the gym and do 35ish minutes on the treadmill walking/running and 40 minutes of circuit resistance training. 

9:00 pull into Panera for a bagel, coffee and time to work on my Bible Study

9:45 head out to run errands, the grocery store for a short list, the bank to get cash, the post office to get stamps for Christmas cards, Value Village for ugly sweaters for Mark and I for a Christmas party next week.

11:15 get home and empty car and hop on the computer for an hour to catch up with email and create my playlist for cleaning.

12:30 have lunch and sit for another 45 minutes

1:25 drag myself up from the couch to start cleaning, get setup with music upstairs (have my computer rigged to play through the Bose since Mark has the ipod), load all the cleaning supplies upstairs and get started on 1 of 3 bathrooms.

2:20 take a quick sustenance break before starting on bathroom number 2 and decide that bathroom number 3 can probably wait a couple weeks.

2:40 get a call and write a quick email

2:50 finish bathroom and do a couple more emails and write this blog

And that as far as I've gotten so far. The plan right now is to put the cleaning supplies away, drag my stereo contraption back downstairs, vacuum the entire house and then get started on baking some desserts before heading to Barb's around 5ish.

God?

I often forget about God during the day, week, month and year.

Right now I'm sitting at my desk feeling odd. It could be the crash after my morning coffee, the rest after helping plan our staff Christmas party lunch, the growing shopping list I have for my short evening, the fact that my husband is gone, the possible lost opportunity I haven't gotten the final word on or other things swirling in my heart and mind.

Whatever it is, I forget that God's in the middle. He's aware of and wants to interact with my emotions from something as simply as a caffeine high and low. He's aware of my growing shopping list and my desire to be a wise steward of my time and money. He knows my husband is gone and it can make me sad and he's thankful for the love we share that allows us to miss each other so much when we are apart. He knows about the opportunities present in my life and has a perfect plan for how they play out (even when they don't make sense to me). He is in the middle of my heart and therefore is surrounded by what's inside there swirling around. He gave me the desires, knows the fears and loves how they make me remember him.

Psalm 84:11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

I've been realizing lately how true these statements are. "In the moment" I don't want to believe them. I feel like they have to be fake because if they were true, wouldn't I feel better?? But it's so not about what I feel like believing. It's about what I choose to believe and what I choose to believe can change how I feel. So I want to make good choices. But I hate making good choices because something in me likes feeling hopeless. Because being hopeful means I am making the hard choice to believe what God says is true and not just words on a page (or on the screen) and if what he says is true then you can't help but have hope because if he really won't withhold good things from me, wants to give me hope and a future, and does comfort me in my troubles, then where is the problem with how my life is at this moment??

Ah, the age old battle! For some reason it always comes down to whether or not I'm elevating my idols and trusting God. Idols and trust, trust and idols. That's always what it's about for me.

1 down, 11 to go

I have 1 day of Mark being away down and 11 more to go! So far so good. I almost started crying when I left him a voicemail (that of course he won't get until he's home, but gives me a verbal outlet for the things I'm feeling) last night on the way home while chowing on a package of Cracker Jacks I picked up at the gas station when filling up the Mustang. The cracker jacks were a mistake, I'll be the first to admit that.

As I pulled off our exit, trying to warm my cold hands, I remembered something Mark had said on the way to the airport yesterday. He was holding my hands, trying to warm them up (a regular occurence), and said, "what will you do without your delux gloves that you can talk to, curl up to in bed with, and who takes care of you?" We have a joke about how he's my swiss army knife of hand warmers because he can do all those other things as well as warm my hands and cold toes at night ;) The memory made me smile.

Being home without him wasn't as bad as I feared, which was nice. Not that it was good or that I enjoyed any part of being alone, but it could have been a lot worse. I think you get used to being alone with your own thoughts. Normally I have a way of sharing them, but alone isn't the end of the world. Again, I have no idea how you single peeps do it!!! I think God gives single people extra grace. To not have your own person to go through life with and process things with and share things with is/was hard. But I never lived alone. I think that takes an extra measure of courage. It's hard to not have a designated person that is yours for the journey. I admire those of you walking it alone. Most of the time it's not by choice so to do it, do it well, and not loose heart in the process is pretty cool. It's definitely harder, although without some of the relational drama. So WAY TO GO all you God-loving single people!!! I admire you. And am thankful I only have to live it temporarily.

My holiday damper

Thanksgiving with Mark's family was great! It was wonderful to be with everyone and in traditional form, it was exceptionally relaxing!! I don't think Mark and I left the house once from when we arrived until we left, except to take a walk on Thanksgiving day. Friday was pretty fun because we never got out of our pjs and watched the entire Bourne Identity trilogy. I also started and finished a book that Mark's mom suggested (and brought another one home with me). We only took about 3 pictures the entire time, which I'm sure I'll regret later. But otherwiser it was wonderful to hangout and catch up with everyone and bond over the weekend.

But today I'm feeling really sad because Mark flew out 2 hours ago, for 12 days in Germany. He feels good about the potential he might come home earlier, but either way he's gone. I feel like there is a lot happening while he's gone, in addition to the holiday season, which we both really enjoy. It makes me not feel much like decorating since I probably won't spend tons of time at home while he's gone and when he comes home we only have a little over a week before we head to MT for Christmas.

The time right before he leaves it always bitter sweet because you love that you are still together but there's this anticipation of the time apart. I am always a tiny bit relieved when the separation has started and the count down to when he comes home has started. But it's really sad to be apart!! I start thinking about how he won't be next to me in bed, he won't be with me to get ready in the mornings, he won't be there to tease me about silly things and smile at me and laugh at me in the car when I try and sing. He won't be there for me to try and feed or pick up from work or drop off at work or take care of. It's just me.

Those of you who are already single will, I assume, say, "that is nothing! Try living every day like that!" So I'm not down playing anyone else's life. This time often makes me think of Barb or my email friend Addie, who once had it good and now don't. But it sort of doesn't make me feel much better because Mark still won't be there when I get home or be simply a phone call away or just down the road at his work.

So with the strange morning spent dropping him off and breakfast together and now at work with a weird 2 weeks ahead of me and trying to wrap my brain around work after the holiday break, I'm just feeling very off today. I'm always a bit scared to see how I'll feel walking into our place alone for the first time after he's gone and wondering if I'll manage okay or burst into tears and if I'll like being at our place because it makes him feel not so far away or if I'll hate it because it's a huge reminder of the fact that he's gone. This is his 5 trip away since we have been married and I don't like it any more now than the first one.

On a side note, I decided not to paint. I still want my downstairs painted but I have too many other things I need to get done that are much higher priority and honestly, don't have the $100+ it would take for the paint and supplies. So, that project will have to wait for another time!

I'm sure I will think on the bright side and try and focus on the fun things happening over the next 2 weeks, but for right now it just seems super sad and I fight off tears if I think about it and dread going home. I think I'll end up Barb's place most nights.

1 hour until my Thanksgiving break

Yes, it's only 1 hour (and 10 minutes to be exact) until my Thanksgiving break officially starts!! I consider the start time to be the moment I am finished at work. It's not that I dislike work, but it's the last "commitment" I have before the break and lets be honest, the last day/hours before a break are always the longest.

Tomorrow morning Mark and I head up to Whidbey Island to spend the weekend with his family. I was telling Mark last night that I LOVE going to Whidbey and hanging with his family!! Not only is it beautiful and a place people like to vacation and we get to visit and stay for free - and did I mention that his parent's place is right on the Sound? Literally! It's the main road, private drive, house, large yard, and cliff to the water. They have a little tram that goes down to the water. It's pretty sweet!!

In addition, his parents are SUPER great!! His mom cooks fantastic food and some of it I've never had before like Yorkshire Pudding and my favorite, Ice Box Pudding (can you tell I'm a dessert girl?). And they let us sleep in, do whatever, and just relax. We try and help as much as they will let us (which is probably more than we actually help) with meals, but otherwise we get to enjoy the vacation.

But of course, the best part is the family. We get to play with the niece's, the little poodle dog Emma, and play games with everyone before bed every night. I'm not a big game player, so this is a big deal for me. And other than sometimes being a sore looser, it's a wonderful time!! Mark and I have similar views about things like sleeping late, never getting out of our PJs, and watching movies and eating (although I tend to do more of this than he does). So we are great vacation buddies and of course, I can never get enough time with him!!

The only bummer part about this weekend is that Monday Mark leaves for almost 2 weeks in Germany. And although I'm glad that if he has to leave town he gets to go to a place he's never been, I'll miss him like CRAZY!! So I'm kicking around the idea of painting the entire downstairs while he's away and sleeping at Barb's and have moved all the girlie movies to the top of our Netflix queue.

On the subject of painting, I HATE painting. But after watching lots of HGTV and then seeing a friend's new condo with creamy walls, I decided it's probably time. Since I hate painting so much I had decided to put it off until I was in the mood to brave a despised task (which I think is now). Mark actually prefers white walls, so it's taken a great deal of sweet talking to convince him to let me do it. Even now I'm not sure he has said yes, but he hasn't said no. So I think I'm good. I've promised him I will try and do a color he won't even notice isn't white (he's partly color blind). My plan is to do a neutral (warm) brownish color with a darker accent wall and a burnt orange nook (yes, burnt orange, don't talk me out of it). So Monday night after work and Mark is on his way to Germany, I will probably be at my nearest Lowe's getting paint color samples and will convert my downstairs to plastic-floor covered mess. I'm assuming it will take me at least 2 evenings to clear everything from the walls and near the walls and tape, before I can even get started. We'll see. I might chicken out at the last minute. That's a lot of painting for someone who is NOT good at the detailed edges!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Wondering Wednesday

Today my mom and I emailed and called our email Wondering Wednesday. Here's what I'm wondering:

- I wonder why I seem to fight having mid-week days off so much?

- I wonder when my schedule will feel normal?

- I wonder when my schedule will change (you know, they always do)?

- I wonder how long it will take me to sort through and file the huge file-pile upstairs?

- I wonder why some things don't happen the way I want?

- I wonder why God and I sometimes seem to want different things for my life?

- I wonder when we will ever hang the little mirrors we bought for above our fireplace?

- I wonder what next year will hold?

- I wonder why I am more motivated to clean my kitchen when there are a lot of dirty dishes instead of just one, like right now?

- I wonder what I will do Friday, on my next day off?

- I wonder if I'll be able to make it to work before 9 tomorrow?

- I wonder why I always forget about my Bible Study until Monday (we meet on Wednesday night)?

- I wonder why it sometimes feels easier to fight God then give in.. when that's the (obviously) better path?

And that's about as deep as I can get right now.

Our Weekend - Rian's 3rd birthday

Last weekend Mark and I went up to Seattle to celebrate Rian's 3rd birthday. She told us how she had 3 parties, which was true! We had 2 for her, one on Saturday with friends and one on Sunday with the family. We also celebrated Jean's birthday (Mark's mom). It was a fun never-ending birthday weekend!!

Some Highlights

Me and Rian, hanging out on Saturday morning.

Me and Tegan. I LOVE my nieces!!

I think Uncle Mark does too.

Grandpa Jack with Tegan at Build-A-Bear for Rian's birthday party with her little friends.

Rian and all her friends. They were pretty cute picking out their bears!

Jean opening her gifts with Rian.

Birthday brownies ;)

Grandma jean reading the book to Rian that we got her for her birthday. Ruby Has Tea With The Queen (or something like that).

Twitter. What the??

So, I guess I'm now twittering. I never planned to. Always figured I shouldn't be writing things in the heat of the moment. Oh well. I'll just try and use good judgement ;)

I'm here and am now following anyone I know who has it. So if you do, let me know.

Mom and Christina on homepage

We have a copy of Today's Christian Woman, which features an article about Mom and Christina. Apparently, they are also on the homepage. Check it out! http://www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/

Home for the day

No, I'm not sick. I'm part-time. 

This week is really the first time I've felt part-time. Up until this week I had a Wednesday gig watching a friend's son but she had a new little baby and is off for a couple months. And even on my Friday's off I was sometimes working concerts or had the entire day scheduled with activities. Don't get me wrong, I have today scheduled, but it's with activities at home. I don't have to be anywhere until the gym at 6pm to workout with a friend. 

So I'm home. I originally had elaborate plans of plowing through housework by 12:30 and heading into the church office where I was going to work on details for events I'm doing on the side, but as I woke up this morning, a day at home seemed more fun. Actually not rushing seemed the most appealing, so I shifted my plans. 

It's weird to be home all day in the middle of the week and to be honest, I'm not loving it. Well, I love being home, but don't love that I don't have more work. It's a culture shift to go from full-time to part-time. And although I'm thankful we can survive financially this way, I don't feel like I have a good reason for not working full-time. And because it's just now hitting me how part-time I really am, it feels like a small identity crisis.  Which I feel I experience often these days.

This morning as Mark and I got up and I got ready for the day with him, like normal, he said to me, "why are you even up?" The question made me laugh. I feel a sense of responsibility to use my days off well. To be productive. Heck, I almost am more productive on my weekdays off then any other days of the week! I guess I feel that if I'm not able to bring in money at least I can care for our home and contribute in that way. It also helps free up my weekend days to relax more with Mark because we don't have to worry about cleaning or other things we don't want to do.

So as I sit in our big comfy chair, listening to Third Day, in front of a warm fire, emailing with family and finishing my Bible study, I ask, "God, what are you doing?" Then I sit back, put the computer away, pick up my journal and write this all out to God, resting in the truth that He has a great plan and taking joy in the realities of my life I wouldn't necessarily have chosen for myself. There is something very peaceful in knowing that God is in control and it's a great thing. And I feel the hope that Jeremiah 29:11 suggests. 

And then I go pee.

You know you are tight on cash when...

You determine that Netflix is cheaper then seeing/renting movies. But think it's dumb when you can't justify the money to see a movie and enjoy popcorn and soda.

You make dinner at home, even when you are starving after work, because you don't have enough cash to eat out and still make it last until the next pay day.

Having friends over, is wonderful, but you're disappointed it doesn't leave you enough left-overs for lunch the next day.

You eat a little less dinner so you can leave enough for lunch the next day.

Taking an extra trip across town means you may not have enough gas money to get you through the month (although this is slightly less of a problem now that prices have gone down).

You check craigslist every other day to see what new part-time job posts have been listed.

You update your resume every couple weeks to reflect the type of experience for the extra work you are trying to apply for.

You determine you aren't above any type of work, except you still prefer to stay away from cleaning houses, if possible (not because you are above it, you just hate it, a lot).

You try and view staying within your budget as a fun challenge to keep from getting frustrated at the things it seems you can't do.

You stop realizing there are things you can't do because you get used to living without them (I guess this is the good part).

Friday and Saturday nights are spent in your "comfy clothes" watching whatever Netflix brought in and eating your homemade dinner creation, snuggled up next to your favorite person, on your couch with a cozy blanket and thinking life isn't so bad ;)

God thoughts today... in the raw

This is how I felt earlier today. Now, I'm feeling better. Female hormones, you never know what they'll do next!! Hah! Although I have to say that even though this isn't how I'm feeling right now, this is how I feel sometimes. So although not true in the current moment, they are still true. Right now I'm thankful for the reprieve from feeling the way I write below ;) God must have already answered my prayer!!

Barb always says, "it's not about Joe Bob (or whoever I'm frustrated towards), it's more about you". This generally comes on the heels of me expressing how if so-and-so would just do ... then my life would go better. But she's right in that I'm reacting more out of myself then what the other person did/didn't do. If I didn't want it so much or act like I needed it, then why would I be so upset at not getting it?

I think the same thing happens with God. I get frustrated when he doesn't do something I want or does something I don't want, "God, if you had only done ... then my life would be better". The truth is not about God, which is what I want to convince myself of. It's just me throwing a temper-tantrum about why I didn't get the thing I seem to think I NEED.

James 4:1 "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?" I'm having an internal fight over a desire that I'm not getting. It's as if my God-man and my flesh-man are duking it out and I get to will the winner. They spar, throwing punches back and forth, getting hit in the gut, the face, kicked in the shin and their arms bent, almost breaking under the pressure of their opponent.

Just as with Christ vs Satan, I know who the winner will be in the end. But for some reason it gives me a sense of cruel comfort (so I think) to allow my God-man to get beat up a little before allowing him to win battle. And just as Christ did for us, he allows himself to take it. I throw a frustrated word, an angry heart, a curse word and shaking fist in his direction, hateful thoughts before I drop to my knees.

Why is my reaction to hurt, good healthy and real hurt, anger and frustration? Wouldn't letting my God-man wrap his arms around me instead of pushing him into a fight with my flesh-man, be of more comfort?

Go for it God-man! Pummel my flesh-man and win this battle before I keep willing another match! Help me let you touch my heart and wrap your arms around me before I push away in anger for not giving me what I think I need when you have already given me everything I DO need Psalm 84:11 "For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless."

Perspective

Notes from yesterday's sermon. Sometimes these don't feel true. But I'm glad that even when something doesn't feel true, it can still be true. Isn't it great that we can take comfort in these truth statements?!!

God is at work in your life for good even if you resist him.

God is at work in your life for good if you surrender to him. SURRENDER!

Looking for ways God is at work in your life will change our perspective on life.

Amy Grant Concert

Yesterday I worked the Amy Grant Concert at Rolling Hills. It was a great show!! And although I'm not Amy's biggest fan (which was confirmed when I met several from the fan club), I did totally feel privileged to work the show and walk down the backstage hall and smile at her when we locked eyes from the open door of her dressing room. I really do think it's a blast to work these shows!! It's a long and tiring day, but SO fun!!

So, I'm the first to admit I get terribly star struck and tongue tied around "the talent". I discovered this when getting my copy of a Donald Miller book signed a couple years ago. I loved his books and they were hugely impacting on my life at that time but as I stood in front of the author I was surprised to stumble over some silly words with a goofy smile on my face and my neck covered with splotches! My friend who was in line with me laughed when we were done. It was quite funny. And earlier this year when I met Shawn McDonald, I blushed and felt quite awkward! I decided I just didn't need to meet the talent. Walking the same halls with them and helping make their shows a success is good enough for me!!

This was the soundcheck "party". I met and escorted the fan club (who had gotten a special invite) to come hear the soundcheck and then meet her afterwards. It was the longest soundcheck I'd ever been to, but the band and Amy Grant were fantastic!!

This was taken during the actual show. It was really fun!! I recognized a lot of the songs (because it was a replica of her "Lead Me On" tour from 20 years ago) and thought they were appropriately updated so really enjoyed it!

Me with Amy Grant. Other than locking eyes and smiling earlier in the day, she had also previously commented on how she liked my hair streaks. That was cool!

I helped manage the meet & greet line after the show and got in on the end of it having her sign my nametag and also getting this picture. Yet again, I fumbled all over myself making some silly comment about "how this is very important to me" when trying (for the second time) to get the picture. I mumbled through something to her about it being a great show and felt bad she had to wade through so many people, but she was very gracious!

And lastly, I drove home with a bouquet of flowers on my passenger seat, that Amy handed to me as she walked out. They weren't exactly for me, but I was in the entry way with several others when she was leaving and asked if any of us wanted the flowers a fan had given her because they didn't travel well. No one spoke up so I said I'd take them.

I like my life!

Friday Floaters

By the way, I like the "floater" reference because it makes me think of something else ;) Hah!

- I'm not feeling 100%. Not sure why... I've been around sick people lately and I hope what I'm feeling doesn't turn into anything.
- My husband is still the best thing in my life!! Seriously! He made me laugh all the way into work and I won't tell you what we laughed about in the car yesterday (lets just say it had something to do with what "floaters" makes me think of ;) We don't feel mature enough to be adults!
- Mark and I are using a gift card for our dinner tonight. I like the goal of trying to keep the purchase no higher than the price of the card. So we only have to pay for the tip!
- Other then not wanting to be unwell, I don't want to be under-the-weather because I have a fun morning/afternoon of scrapbooking at my friend Stacey's tomorrow.
- Yesterday's Sanctus Real concert rocked!! Although staying up until after 1am didn't. I woke up feeling like I was hit by a truck. Is that what getting older feels like?
- I'm having fun trying to tell people about Demarle. But I was recently told I wasn't being aggressive enough... so watch out!!! You better sign up to host a party before I come after you ;)
- Work is fun lately with everyone moving around. I like having my team in my area. Tuesday's are now much more lively!
- Happy Friday!!

French Onion Disaster

I've tried a lot of new recipes over the past year. I would say that 75% of them were home runs, 24% Mark suggested we NOT put on the rotation, but we ate it that one time. And then there's the 1%, French Onion soup.

I haven't been so good about cooking much lately (other than quick/easy type meals that come in a box), but given our budget constraints and tiring of the same type of things, I decided to branch out. I picked about 5 new recipes. One of them was a French Onion soup recipe from a new crockpot cookbook I got from Powell's a while ago. Honestly, I should have looked at the book more closely before I purchased it because I'm not sure I've used anything out of there yet. They are a bit impractical for our life. Any crockpot meal that only requires 7 or less hours of cooking, doesn't work for our schedule. I use the crockpot because I'm not home for long periods of time.

Being in the mood for soup and finding a recipe that let you cook for 8-10 hours, I thought it would work. Not so much! I'm pretty sure I followed the recipe and instructions to the letter, but unless cooking it one hour longer than recommended ruined the entire thing, it was the worst excuse for French Onion soup I could imagine!! The only redeeming part was the bread and cheese, which we used to make grilled cheese sandwiches when the the soup proved inedible!

Now my house (and coat) smell like stinky onions. And it's not a regular onion smell, I love onions, we decided it smelled more like fermented onions. Yuck!!! I didn't even know a small like that existed!

Does anyone have a good french onion soup recipe that's quick/easy??

Don't hate me, but I'm selling...

I know, everyone is always trying to sell you something. And I've just joined the ranks! But I have to say, I'm very excited about it! I feel a bit like an infomercial when I tell people, but it's just fun. So here's why I'm becoming a rep:
- I like to meet people and talk, so it's a good fit!
- I like to eat and doing a party is a chance to share food with others.
- I love the product so appreciate being able to talk about how neat it is.
- I've always wanted to sell something like this and hadn't ever heard of this product until a couple months ago and thought it was rad, so figured now is as good a time as any!
- And of course, being able to earn money to fund my spending habits (but I'm being honest when I say this is more of an added benefit).

Here's what I'm selling. It's called Demarle and it's cool. (And here comes the sales "ask") So if you like what you see on the website and want to hear more about it or want to host a party to earn money towards buying something you like (I won't lie, the stuff's not cheap), then let me know. I can also do what's called a "Show & Go" where I just come and make you something to demonstrate the radness of this stuff. Or if you just like a chance to get your friends together, I'll do all the work!!

Mark turned 30!!

My dear husband turned 30 and in his desire to NOT be the center of attention, I tried to lay fairly low in the celebration of this special occasion. Although his birthday celebration went on for quite a while!! It started with cake the night his parent's came to visit in late September, then moved into a "small" family and close friend party on the 3rd and then his actual birthday on the 9th. Celebrated with Bruce and Barb out at a movie. It all ended with a fancy dinner out with just Mark and I. He'd been asking for an excuse to do a nice steak dinner in Portland so we figured this was as good an occasion as ever. It was very nice and a wonderful end to the birthday festivities!

The Ironman cake our friend Trisha made.

Mark and I at his family party.

I meant to post several more pictures but through wrestling with blogger, I finally gave up!

Purpose

Since my last blog title sounded almost like a confession, I feel like this one should, "I struggle with purpose".

I supposed it is like a confession. I struggle with purpose. I always have. When doing a "nothing" job I wonder what contribution I'm making to the world and when I have a purposeful job, I wonder why I don't feel like I'm making more of an impact.

Working at a church as an admin is difficult in that you aren't as close to the action. I feel like I can see how everyone around me could feel a sense of purpose, but I don't really. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy my job (yes, even making copies), there is something rewarding about checking things off my list every day. Right now I have a little bit invested in a lot of things that it doesn't feel like I have one single focus.

But I DO have a single focus... God! I just don't know what that looks like when I wake up in the morning. Last night I didn't have to do anything. In fact, that is how I spent my weekend so last night I didn't feel like just sitting on the couch was the way to go (literally, that is what I did for half of Saturday), so I opted for working on a sewing project. But when you wake up the next morning knowing that you did nothing to contribute to the world the night before, or all weekend, then you wonder... "what the he** is my purpose?"

I don't struggle with purpose all the time and I definitely don't just sit on my couch all the time. Last weekend was a rare slow one and I loved it!! But in the days where purpose seems a far off thing and the dreams you make up that seem like would make your life feel like it has purpose (e.g. "if only I was doing blank, then I'd have purpose"), don't happen... what do you do?

In my peacemaking study (by the way, I don't have an answer to the aforementioned question), they talk about how conflict can reveal idols (a.k.a. good desires gone bad) and I feel like that's what my current struggle for purpose is doing. Something I want, isn't happening, and it makes me frustrated. My frustration examined reveals a desire that I've elevated to a demand, need, etc. My good desire needs to be let go of, brought captive back to God, and my knees back on the floor as I desperately plea with God to help me let go of my idol, desire, and even hope for tangible purpose, and trust that what he says in Psalm 84:11, "no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless". And although my walk is far from blameless, I don't think he withholds something good from me (even though that's what it feels like). Oh why does it always feel like what I want and what God wants are so far off???

I do poorly at everything I just mentioned. I don't trust God. I don't get on my knees. I don't look to him as my purpose. I am not content. I am never satisfied. I get discouraged that I will never be content or satisfied. I am always seeking after something. I always think my new thing will make me happy and solve all my problems. And this is the truth. I am convinced I will never know my purpose. I am convinced that God doesn't intent me too. That his intention (or purpose) is exactly what I'm doing right now. I'm not succeeding, failing, or anything. I'm just living. Granted it's pathetic sometimes and a poor excuse for a Jesus follower. But this is the best I got. And I think that's all he wants.

I like to not feel like I'm failing so I think that if all of that is really true, then I feel better ;)

I am a peacemaker

I figured if I declare it on my blog then it will make me more responsible to live this way. Although given my actions last night at home, you'd never know it!! Funny how God gives us opportunities to practice our newly acquired skills so quickly!! I think I passed and then dramatically failed tests yesterday. Let me tell you more...

11 years ago I interned for the summer at a ministry called Peacemaker Ministries. It was the summer before my Sr year of highschool. I read The Peacemaker that summer. It changed my life. Before I read the book I didn't think I had conflict and afterwards I realized my life was riddled with it!! And I now had great tools in how to deal with it.

Fast forward a year, I had fallen in love with the ministry over the summer and was offered a job after I graduated so I moved out there (Billings, MT) 2 weeks after I walked the stage.

I started off in the resource department and moved up to the event coordinator within a year. I LOVED it!! But lots of work! A year later the job was divided 3 ways and I ended up as the Annual Conference Coordinator. I coordinated 2 more conferences, 3 in total, before I moved to Portland, OR to pursue school. During my time at Peacemakers I had attended a mediation training course but wasn't really sure what to do with the information.

Back to Portland, As you may already realize, I didn't get very far in school ;) 3 years at community college doesn't add up to much. But lack of $$ is kind of hindrance.

During this time I'd been applying what I had learned at Peacemakers and in the book through different areas of my life and with my friends. Although not many people know me as someone who can help with conflict (perhaps I didn't advertise or didn't do a very good job of it myself), but we talked about it casually.

But I still love the ministry of peacemaking. Now it has extended past the ministry itself and into what God can do through reconciliation. Sometimes we don't actually solve or fix anything but we've reconciled with Christ or done what we could to reconcile with another. It's so powerful!! There can be so much hope in conflict. The Peacemaker material suggest we have 3 opportunities in every conflict we face, to glorify God, to serve others, and through those two things, to grow to be more like Christ. And just because you read that, you'll probably have a chance to use it... so watch out!! ;)

This past summer God provided some open doors to start a *Peacemaking Team at my church. Through prayer and green lights, our team of 4-8 (not sure how many it will end up being) are working through reading the book and doing the small group study together. We also have a Peacemaker Seminar on the calendar for January. I am STOKED to have an opportunity to be involved on this level!

God also provided the means for me to attend Peacemaker's Annual Conference and Conflict Coaching Training last week. I attended the coaching first and was graciously guided through sharing Christ-centered peacemaking principles with others through role-plays and demonstrations. I was amazed at how it all fell together and was SO thankful for the opportunity to learn these skills as we encounter people who need help with conflict in every area of life! (I've already had a chance to use some of what I learned!!) And my role-play partner even spoke redemptive and encouraging words to me as we role played sharing Christ's promises to someone dealing with heart issues of being "not-enough". I nearly cried!! And it was a role play!! I briefly shared with him my story of feeling inadequate to lead a team at church and he shared encouraging scripture with me.

By the end of the training on Thursday, before the conference even started, I felt like I had been filled more than I had hoped!!!!

The conference continued with amazing speakers and encouraging workshops that shared, over and over again, Christ and what he's done for us and why we do peacemaking. As Pastor John Stumbo so beautifully put it, "we don't do this [peacemaking] to get results. We do it because it's right." I could say so much more but I just wouldn't know where to start! Between the amazing people and the fantastic words I heard and the amazing flood of peace that God washed over my heart last week I just feel encouraged and eager to share with others what God has shared with me and confident that he has me where he wants me, even if I don't understand.

Other than being eager to share the excitement of all I absorbed last week, why am I saying all of this? For 2 reasons. 1 is selfish, I want to be held accountable for what I know. If I know that others are watching and that I've committed myself in so many ways, it will give me greater pause before responding in a conflict or potential conflict situation. And 2, because I want YOU to have the encouragement I've received.

May we seek to glorify God through your conflict and serve others as you grow to be more like Christ! If you want more info about all this, check out the links I included throughout my blog or let me know and we can talk about it. I'd love to share the hope of reconciliation!


*Dislaimer: it's not that Sunset or any church has more conflict than another or is in more desperate need of peacemaking than another, but that the church should be the example of reconciliation to others. Because Christ has given us (and everyone) the opportunity to reconcile to him! What more could we do for others than to extend them the same grace we've been extended. Not simply overlooking any offenses but by showing Christ in the way we resolve the offense or dispute, confessing our sins in the contribution we made to the situation and by forgiving, as Christ forgave us. It's really all about the gospel!!

Floaters

Seems like our life is leveling out a little so there isn't as much to blog about. So I'll do the floating thought version...

- I'm excited to head out tomorrow morning for the Peacemaker conference. Not so excited about my super early flight, but it's a small price to pay. But I'm very much looking forward to taking the Conflict Coaching training and getting a refresher on how to help others through conflict, as well as attending the team workshops to learn as much as possible as we start our team here at Sunset. I'm feeling highly inadequate and I won't feel any more so after the event but at least I won't have as many excuses ;)

- Friday I had off so did crafts. Well, I spent the morning buying the supplies for my crafts and only worked on them for about 3 hours but got them finished!! You'll have to come by our place to see what I was working on (speaking of which, ladies I'm hosting a Demarle party which is mostly an excuse to have people over so if you didn't get my evite this morning let me know and I'll send it to you... all are invited!).

- My crafts were for our guestroom and something in me clicked this weekend and I got all inspired to work on putting our guestroom more together. We got a few things hung on the wall, plan to hang more, moved everything out of the room that didn't have a place to go to either a more permanent location or the garage for storage. I felt REALLY good about the progress and feel more ready to have people come by.

- I'm really enjoying my pieced-together schedule. I feel a bit like God hand selected the things I'm doing with just enough normality/routine, interest, responsibility, and money to make it all work. It's very fun!!

- After about 5+ phone calls and a cumilitive 20+ transfers and probably up to 3+ hours on the phone we still don't have our Internet/phone stuff finalized. We thought we had it mostly good to go until our Internet went out this weekend. Problem still isn't fixed. I HATE how long I'm on hold to get these things resolved. My last call I was transferred at least 4 different times to get to the right place and then finally gave up (although they did give me a phone number to call back... same number I called originally for the other thing I tried to take care of). For the most part I'm not unhappy with this company, just hate how long the calls take. Feels like I need to plan for at least 1.5 hours per "situation" I need to take care of.

- We are doing okay on our new budget so far, thank God! Although we're both making sacrifices and I find myself saying 'no' to things more often. We do get to occasionally say 'yes' but then the lack of cash in my wallet reminds me why I had been saying 'no' before. Not using cash sure helps you not be aware of the money you have. Using cash makes truth a hard reality. But we just do better on a cash-only budget.

- Soon I'll write about my current journey with God stuff. Right now I'm enjoying the GIFT Bible study and a renewed energy to spend time with God and being committed to attending the weekly Bible study.

Week in review

I feel like I'm playing catch up. 

Mark and I had a great time last weekend celebrating our 1st year wedding anniversary. It was on the 2nd (Tuesday) but we decided not to tell people and celebrate it that weekend since we both had to work the day of our anniversary and I had an evening meeting I couldn't get out of. Seemed like a lame way to celebrate so we pretended like it was the 6th instead.

We had a free night at a nearby Marriott so booked it for that night. I had the day off (Friday) so did some things around the house that morning and then scrapbooked with a friend in the afternoon. I picked Mark up around 5 and we headed to dinner. We decided to just drive towards our hotel and pick a place on the way. We opted for Bugattis, which is yummy! Especially their crazy-awesome garlic and oil dipping sauce. Not sure garlic was the right choice, but we both had it so I hear that makes it okay. 

We got in our car and drove only about 2 blocks to the hotel. It really was so close to both our work places that we just laughed. Mark joked around when we went to check in and made loud comments like, "sure was a long trip from New York". We got into our room, which was nice and... well, I won't share the details ;) But we had a great little 18 hour overnighter. 

Even though we didn't have much money to spend and stayed at a hotel close to like everything we do, it was still fun and we felt like we adequately celebrated. We didn't get each other anything but cards (which was sort of a funny story as well) and cried when we read what each other wrote. It was sweet.

This week I had my first nanny day and look forward to my Wednesday's in the future and worked a VeggieTales show up in Washington. I also committed to helping coordinate an event in January, received a gift of a plane ticket to the Peacemaker Conference in Florida for next week (the 23-28th), and might end up with another side project I have yet to confirm. 

After yesterday's long day, it was nice to have a day at home with Mark. We slept late, relaxed with lots of dvds, cleaned (the place looks great!), took a walk to the store, and made a yummy dinner! I'm about to enjoy a little dessert before heading to bed since I need to be at church at 5am to open the doors for load-in for the VeggieTales show Sunset is hosting. It's a volunteer gig, but probably my last one as the new guy taking over events should be a shoe-in for working these if he's up for it. 

This week Mark's parents are coming for a quick visit on Monday evening, I have a Peacemaking Ministry Team meeting on Tuesday night (at Sunset), GIFT on Wednesday night, the gym on Thursday night, and... I think half mild weekend before I head to Florida the following Tuesday. I hate leaving or being away from my husband but really thankful for the opportunity to go!

What I've been doing...

- getting FIOS instead of DSL (apparently that's all they have in these new places, it's more expensive but super fast!)

- adjusting to my new schedule, you'll get no complaints out of me for having every Friday off!

- trying to keep our house in order, catching up on laundry, cooking, trying to organize things that I need to create an organizational system for, etc.

- enjoyed 6 fantastic days in MT for JR & Molly's Wedding!!

Yes, they ARE that good looking! And nice too ;)

Some of the fam at the reception. Oregon represent!

This week I'm looking forward to working a VeggieTales show in Washington on Friday and another one at Sunset on Sunday. I also have my first Wednesday nanny gig this week, which will be fun. For now I'm enjoying super fast FIOS ;)

Sort of checking out for a bit

I'm at work right now. Things are flowing well at the wedding reception I'm helping with so I thought I'd take a break to rest my feet. Now that I'm married I really enjoy weddings. It's fun to attend with my husband because we get all the joys without it being OUR day! I love to remember our beautiful wedding day but look back with thankfulness that it's over. And really feel like it reflected who we are so I have no regrets.

Today is my last day as Event Coordinator here at Sunset. It's bittersweet. Bitter because I feel like I'm just starting to get a hang of things and really love helping make events come off wonderfully. I love thinking through details, planning for contingencies, and making decisions on the fly as things change. It's sweet because I feel God is ushering me into a new phase of life that he has his hand upon. He seemed to have his hand on this part of life, but there's something a little different about the next phase. Perhaps it's my renewed dependence on him or something, not sure.

To go along with my new phase of life I cut a little more off my hair than normal (I wanted a change and can't really do anything more drastic with my hair ;) when I saw my hair dresser on Thursday. I'm still getting used to it. I'm not one to shy away from hair change as I figure it will either grow out or fade so why not try it. I'd always wish I had if I chickened out at the last minute!

Mark comes home tomorrow and I'm SOO ready for him to be back!! I was never ready for him to be gone but don't think I could handle another day of him being away. Especially right now when I am thankful for him being the one stable and constant thing. He cares for me in a way I never imagined and I appreciate being able to care for him in return. We truly have the sweetest union and it's far better than I had hoped or dreamed!!!

After I leave work today (in a couple hours) I'm not going to be at email, blogs, etc much for a week. We don't have Internet up at home yet (I've just been lazy and haven't called after we discovered it wasn't working) and leave early Tuesday morning for a week in MT for some family time. I love the timing of this trip as it gives me time to separate from my work here and come back refreshed and ready to hit the ground running with my new work. And I'm SOOO looking forward to time with the family!! I love celebrations and occasions to rejoice and take pictures!

Life. Flipped upside down and around

As my new schedule takes shape (just confirmed some things today), my life feels more and more turned upside down. Here are some contrasts:

Now - work a 40 hour week at 1 job
After 9/1 - work a 25 hour week at 1 job and like 16 at another

Now - work only with adults
After 9/1 - will spend 16 of my hours hanging out with 2 little kiddos

Now - work some evenings and weekends
After 9/1 - no more evenings or weekends unless it's a volunteer gig or my choice ;)

Now - am a leader in my area of work
After 9/1 - will be support staff for leaders in my area of work

Now - have ultimate flexibility
After 9/1 - not as much flexibility, but some

My new schedule: Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday work as admin support on the Worship & Creative Arts team at church. Same desk, same team, different job.
Wednesday and Friday I will nanny for 2 kids around the age of 3.
Evenings and weekends, whatever! ;)

As my final days of work at my job are winding down I'm beginning to realize how drastically things will be changing. Sometimes I look forward to the change and other times I'm a little scared. But no matter what I feel the change won't stop coming. I'm glad I have all next week to let it sink in and get "ready" so when I come home I can hit the ground running!!

I really think we can choose how we feel how about our life and right now I'm going to choose to enjoy the new stage. It's a fantastic change and I'm looking forward to hanging out with little kids a couple days a week. It will be the ultimate in variety!! I am also looking forward to my change in roles at church and feel good about the person who is taking over some of what I do. I'm also looking forward to handing off all the stuff that doesn't really fit on my desk!! I guess that if God guides us where he wants that it's comforting to know that he guided me to where I am right now. So right now THIS is what he's called me to and I want to serve him well no matter what my station of life is. I mean, if you can serve well in a small role then how much better you can serve in a big role!!

Mark left this past Sunday for a week in Taiwan. It could have been longer but they want to respect our trip planned next week, so he's coming home on Sunday. It's WAY easier to deal with a one week trip and for sure end date then the open ended ones that are estimated for 2+ weeks he normally goes on. I spent the night alone at our new place last night (I was at Barb's the night before). It was actually not too bad. I think it sort of helped that we are completely out of routine and have only been there for a little over 2 weeks and spent that time out of our normal routine. So there is no normal right now. I think we are now going to re-invent normal.

By the way, Mark doesn't want me to post pictures of the new place until our Mom's come to visit. So it might be a few months ;)

My Own Little Mini Identity Crisis

I believe I'm having a little mini identity crisis right now in my life. I think that always happens with change, especially some unwanted change. Although I'm used to the idea of the change now, so am not fighting it. But it's never easy to leave a job/position, even when you made the choice, much less when you didn't. I find myself exceptionally unmotivated while at work lately and trying my hardest to push through. Mark has been laughing at me this week as I call him around 4 asking if he'll be ready to leave right at 5 (we never leave at 5).

It's also difficult to assess exactly what you need to get done before you leave when (ideally) your tasks will be simply be handed off. I'm trying to work ahead a little every day and was behind enough that I still need to catch up. I might not find out who I'm passing off to until next week. Not much time to bring someone up to speed. Although I'm not really sure how to bring someone up to speed anyway. It should be fine.

It's difficult to try and detach from a job you created. Once I start detaching I'm ready to leave. So the next 9ish days will be hard. Although I'm also driven by a desire to finish well, but lets just say that when we leave for our trip to MT, I will be VERY ready for a week off! Timing sure worked out well to finish one job, take a week vacation and then start a new one.

So back to the identity crisis. Since I'm leaving a full-time job and moving to a part-time job it really changes your thoughts about your job/role as it's not longer in the "career" category. But I'm not exactly trading it for something else big so feel like I might flounder for a bit as I seek God and just live my little puttering life for a while. I have no doubt I will stay busy, as that's never been my problem. I tend to fill up my time before it's even available and only accomplish 1/4 of what I had aspired to. Filling my time helps me not think about how it's an awkward time. It's not that I had my identity wrapped up in my job, but you tend to think of yourself by what you do. I was an event coordinator and now... what am I? Even if I say I'm what my part-time title is, it's only part-time, so what am I the rest of the time? Like I said, awkward time.

But in all of this I'm thankful for the roles I have that are NOT changing, like child of God, wife, daughter, sister, niece, sister-in-law, friend, etc.

I know I haven't posted a pic in a while (like I said, I'm a bit off my game in life right now), here's one I took with my phone this morning. This is a graphic description of how I'm feeling right now in life ;)

Running update

I akeep forgetting to share an update on running. When I got the news about my job ending and the need for "tightening our belts" was starting to hit, I immediately cut my plan to run the Portland Marathon.

We put $30 a month towards running expenses (race registrations and shoes) and I've used it ALL up until now. The Portland Marathon has a $90 registration fee and since my running partner and I have been struggling significantly in our running this year and had planned to just "get through" the race and not train hard, it was a no-brainer. Trisha, my running partner, was actually relieved and I have been too. So the $30 a month towards running has been cut from the budget.

Trisha does have a relay race in a couple weeks and I'm trying to run with her when I can but since I've barely fit 1 run in per week, I'm not doing so well. Once her race is over we are worried we won't run at all. But with her wedding coming up in January we are determined to try and stay in shape so will probably do some kind of gym routine.

So looks like the distance running season of my life is over, for now... we may pick it back up again one day. Honestly, it's nice to have a break but I'd be lying if I said I don't look back at pictures of myself from last year with a hint of disappointment that I'm not in that shape now.