God?

I often forget about God during the day, week, month and year.

Right now I'm sitting at my desk feeling odd. It could be the crash after my morning coffee, the rest after helping plan our staff Christmas party lunch, the growing shopping list I have for my short evening, the fact that my husband is gone, the possible lost opportunity I haven't gotten the final word on or other things swirling in my heart and mind.

Whatever it is, I forget that God's in the middle. He's aware of and wants to interact with my emotions from something as simply as a caffeine high and low. He's aware of my growing shopping list and my desire to be a wise steward of my time and money. He knows my husband is gone and it can make me sad and he's thankful for the love we share that allows us to miss each other so much when we are apart. He knows about the opportunities present in my life and has a perfect plan for how they play out (even when they don't make sense to me). He is in the middle of my heart and therefore is surrounded by what's inside there swirling around. He gave me the desires, knows the fears and loves how they make me remember him.

Psalm 84:11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

I've been realizing lately how true these statements are. "In the moment" I don't want to believe them. I feel like they have to be fake because if they were true, wouldn't I feel better?? But it's so not about what I feel like believing. It's about what I choose to believe and what I choose to believe can change how I feel. So I want to make good choices. But I hate making good choices because something in me likes feeling hopeless. Because being hopeful means I am making the hard choice to believe what God says is true and not just words on a page (or on the screen) and if what he says is true then you can't help but have hope because if he really won't withhold good things from me, wants to give me hope and a future, and does comfort me in my troubles, then where is the problem with how my life is at this moment??

Ah, the age old battle! For some reason it always comes down to whether or not I'm elevating my idols and trusting God. Idols and trust, trust and idols. That's always what it's about for me.