No, I'm not sick. I'm part-time.
This week is really the first time I've felt part-time. Up until this week I had a Wednesday gig watching a friend's son but she had a new little baby and is off for a couple months. And even on my Friday's off I was sometimes working concerts or had the entire day scheduled with activities. Don't get me wrong, I have today scheduled, but it's with activities at home. I don't have to be anywhere until the gym at 6pm to workout with a friend.
So I'm home. I originally had elaborate plans of plowing through housework by 12:30 and heading into the church office where I was going to work on details for events I'm doing on the side, but as I woke up this morning, a day at home seemed more fun. Actually not rushing seemed the most appealing, so I shifted my plans.
It's weird to be home all day in the middle of the week and to be honest, I'm not loving it. Well, I love being home, but don't love that I don't have more work. It's a culture shift to go from full-time to part-time. And although I'm thankful we can survive financially this way, I don't feel like I have a good reason for not working full-time. And because it's just now hitting me how part-time I really am, it feels like a small identity crisis. Which I feel I experience often these days.
This morning as Mark and I got up and I got ready for the day with him, like normal, he said to me, "why are you even up?" The question made me laugh. I feel a sense of responsibility to use my days off well. To be productive. Heck, I almost am more productive on my weekdays off then any other days of the week! I guess I feel that if I'm not able to bring in money at least I can care for our home and contribute in that way. It also helps free up my weekend days to relax more with Mark because we don't have to worry about cleaning or other things we don't want to do.
So as I sit in our big comfy chair, listening to Third Day, in front of a warm fire, emailing with family and finishing my Bible study, I ask, "God, what are you doing?" Then I sit back, put the computer away, pick up my journal and write this all out to God, resting in the truth that He has a great plan and taking joy in the realities of my life I wouldn't necessarily have chosen for myself. There is something very peaceful in knowing that God is in control and it's a great thing. And I feel the hope that Jeremiah 29:11 suggests.
And then I go pee.
4 thoughts from other people:
Welcome to my life, part time, two part time, full time, real time, at home, at the office, who knows? If your ever bored - just call me, I'm probably around.
".. and then i go pee." LOVE IT! :)You make me laugh, Carrie!
When I was working full time I worked 3 12hr shifts at the hospital, so I had days off during the week. I, too, always wanted to get up and get stuff done so I could feel like I was "working".. or something. Strange things we type a people do! :) Anyhoo.. I commend you for trying to find a balance and keeping your time with the Lord a priority!
Thanks for your sweet note, also! It would be fun to do coffee sometime.. when it can work! I'll try to say hi at church next time I see you! :)
xo
It reads to me like you ARE using your time well on an off day! You ARE being productive! Just in a different way. I relate to you situation, only expand it to EVERY day. Much of what I do at home, as a volunteer caregiver, is not what the world sees as 'productive'. This causes me to argue internally all of the time, because I feel so, uncategorized.
i KNOW that i will have these exact same issues when my life changes from a full time gig. But I have to admit - right now, i'm kinda jealous. Work has been a bit too much lately. Anyway...let's chat soon. love ya!
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