- I have been sitting on my brothers couch for over an hour doing re-entry stuff... bank account updating, personal email, work email, etc.
- I hate re-entry stuff, even when done while still on vacation (although I think in the end it will make the actual re-entry from vacation easier).
- I wish I could post a pic, because where I'm sitting is pretty cool! My bro has a 120 inch "screen" (actually a projector on a wall) which he and Mark are using to play Need 4 Speed Undercover with the racing steering wheel setup. It pretty much feels like you are driving in real life. We are all on couches with the mini-bar, mini-fridge, mini-microwave within reach. We've already used the "I DO Movie Room" (it's named after the pics of the "I DO BREW" label that was on the special beer my uncle made them for their wedding rehearsal dinner) for about 3 movie showings since we've been here. Last night the movie showing was WANTED on blu-ray. Pretty sweet!!!
- I was trying to determine if I could afford to go snowboarding with Mark and everyone tomorrow but after realizing I'll have a $200+ bill for school books when I get back and still need to DEQ and license our vehicles, clinches my decision... no. In a couple weeks I will forget I missed out on anything anyway.
- Speaking of cars (in the plural sense), did I mention my parent's are giving us their minivan? MAJOR BLESSING!!! See, they want us to have a place for grandkids (whenever that time comes) and we can't afford to get another/different vehicle. We are driving it home from MT and are VERY excited to have a vehicle that will hold people and stuff!!
- Did I mention I'm taking classes next semester? I start on the 5th. Scary!!! That is how I am choosing to spend my extra time and hope I can make enough $$ from concerts and side projects to cover the expenses. I'm really thankful that Janet and my job at Sunset Pres is flexible enough to let me adjust my hours to accommodate the new schedule.
- Today was our vacation transition day. The rest of the visiting family left yesterday and Mark and I are moving over to JR & Molly's place from my parents. We wanted to spread the love. We are still over at Mom & Dad's for meals and stuff though. It's fun to have extra time to hang and all that.
- Mark bought me the book Twilight for Christmas (I had heard it was good) and am over half way and LOVING it!!! Which is weird since I hate vampires. It's been hard to put it down and be social. I'm trying to pace myself.
- I'm excited and nervous to go home because in addition to feeling like December was a weird month with Mark being gone, so many snow days, and being on vacation for 2 weeks, I start school. I didn't decide to start school until mid way through December so haven't had much time to process. Can I do it??? Oh, and we'll have another car... which totally changes our life dynamic. So in other words, we will be creating a new normal and life as we've known it is completely different.
- I enjoyed driving around a little on the snowy roads since I've been here. After our time in OR I was glad to find out I still had good snow legs. Mark too. Although the snow has now mostly melted off the roads.
- The guys are buying more cars now that they passed another level in the game and all this talk of reading makes me want to put the computer down and grab my book for a few minutes before we head to the parent's place for dinner.
Happy New Year!!!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Floating Vacation Day Thoughts
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Sunday, December 21, 2008
Our Snowy Adventure #2
We are supposed to be driving with my aunt and uncle and their 2 kids, to Montana tomorrow night. Up until today things were looking okay.
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Our Snowy Adventure #1
Yesterday we woke up to lots of snow. It kept snowing. And snowing. And snowing. In the morning we had a nice breakfast and drank coffee while watching a movie and then decided to brave the weather and walk to Bridgeport (about 3.3 miles away) and take the bus back. I was going to suggest that we take the bus there too but Mark wanted the exercise. Since I had walked to Barb's twice this week and to our house once, figured it was more than doable.
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Friday, December 19, 2008
Why we are at Barb's
So, I've had a few questions about why we are at Barb's. I was reminded of the reason just a few minutes ago when I heard a Mustang on the street and as I looked out the window and saw a car just like mine trying to get out and then back into their garage and barely got anywhere, slipping and sliding.
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Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Snow Days
I have to say, I think it's cool that I get snow days as an adult. Technically I never got them as a kid since we were homeschooled. But my mom was merciful sometimes and gave them to us after a big storm. In Wolf Point we got some wicked storms! Temps reached -40 with wind chill and when we'd go outside during the middle of the blizzard to check out what was happening we had to completely cover all skin. We didn't go out alone, dad went with us, and the dog. I can't believe our dog could survive that! Although if I remember correctly, she was always running and jumping around. She really seemed to love it!! She used to get ice balls in her paws and stop walking and try and bite them out but would always let us help her out by pulling them out.
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Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Concert Pictures
I'm still waiting to get the one of me with two of the ladies I work with at the concerts and Michael W Smith. But here are some others.
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Evening In December Pictures
Saturday the 5th I was privileged to host 7 friends at the Evening In December event. It was a blast! Here are pictures of how I set my table and who came.
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Saturday, December 13, 2008
My 2 days in another world
Thursday and Friday I worked the Michael W Smith and Melinda Doolittle shows at Rolling Hills. It was awesome!!
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Wednesday, December 10, 2008
life
I've written like 2 blogs this week but haven't felt like any of them are worth posting. Right now I feel pretty bummed because Mark told me today that his trip is probably getting extended. Not sure how long but sounded like they would practically need a miracle tomorrow and even then wouldn't come home until Saturday.
Everything I write seems so dramatic and silly. But I will say that life without Mark just feels so far off that I struggle. It's hard to do normal daily life without him around and if that's dramatic and silly, then I'm happy to admit that I'm that way.
There are things happening in my life but it seems to take all I have in a day to look at God and plow through. So I'll try and update more when my better half comes back and I can feel whole enough to look past this current solo status.
I remember my mom once telling me that in marriage you can feel more complete but you can also feel more lonely. Although my husband is returning and our marriage is wonderful, having him away makes me feel more lonely than before (not to discount those of you who live every day that way... I'm just saying, this is how I feel in the moment). It's like getting a glimpse of how great it can be and then having it taken away. But fortunate for me the taken away part is only temporary and I'm trying to keep focused on the light at the end of the tunnel!
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Friday, December 5, 2008
A day in the life part 2
I can't remember exactly where I left off, but I think it was when I was upstairs and had just finished the bathroom. So here's how the rest of the day played out:
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A day in the life
What would YOU do with every Friday off? Well, here's what I did today. (By the way, I'm stealing this idea from a previous blog of Jocelyn's)
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Wednesday, December 3, 2008
God?
I often forget about God during the day, week, month and year.
Right now I'm sitting at my desk feeling odd. It could be the crash after my morning coffee, the rest after helping plan our staff Christmas party lunch, the growing shopping list I have for my short evening, the fact that my husband is gone, the possible lost opportunity I haven't gotten the final word on or other things swirling in my heart and mind.
Whatever it is, I forget that God's in the middle. He's aware of and wants to interact with my emotions from something as simply as a caffeine high and low. He's aware of my growing shopping list and my desire to be a wise steward of my time and money. He knows my husband is gone and it can make me sad and he's thankful for the love we share that allows us to miss each other so much when we are apart. He knows about the opportunities present in my life and has a perfect plan for how they play out (even when they don't make sense to me). He is in the middle of my heart and therefore is surrounded by what's inside there swirling around. He gave me the desires, knows the fears and loves how they make me remember him.
Psalm 84:11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
I've been realizing lately how true these statements are. "In the moment" I don't want to believe them. I feel like they have to be fake because if they were true, wouldn't I feel better?? But it's so not about what I feel like believing. It's about what I choose to believe and what I choose to believe can change how I feel. So I want to make good choices. But I hate making good choices because something in me likes feeling hopeless. Because being hopeful means I am making the hard choice to believe what God says is true and not just words on a page (or on the screen) and if what he says is true then you can't help but have hope because if he really won't withhold good things from me, wants to give me hope and a future, and does comfort me in my troubles, then where is the problem with how my life is at this moment??
Ah, the age old battle! For some reason it always comes down to whether or not I'm elevating my idols and trusting God. Idols and trust, trust and idols. That's always what it's about for me.
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Tuesday, December 2, 2008
1 down, 11 to go
I have 1 day of Mark being away down and 11 more to go! So far so good. I almost started crying when I left him a voicemail (that of course he won't get until he's home, but gives me a verbal outlet for the things I'm feeling) last night on the way home while chowing on a package of Cracker Jacks I picked up at the gas station when filling up the Mustang. The cracker jacks were a mistake, I'll be the first to admit that.
As I pulled off our exit, trying to warm my cold hands, I remembered something Mark had said on the way to the airport yesterday. He was holding my hands, trying to warm them up (a regular occurence), and said, "what will you do without your delux gloves that you can talk to, curl up to in bed with, and who takes care of you?" We have a joke about how he's my swiss army knife of hand warmers because he can do all those other things as well as warm my hands and cold toes at night ;) The memory made me smile.
Being home without him wasn't as bad as I feared, which was nice. Not that it was good or that I enjoyed any part of being alone, but it could have been a lot worse. I think you get used to being alone with your own thoughts. Normally I have a way of sharing them, but alone isn't the end of the world. Again, I have no idea how you single peeps do it!!! I think God gives single people extra grace. To not have your own person to go through life with and process things with and share things with is/was hard. But I never lived alone. I think that takes an extra measure of courage. It's hard to not have a designated person that is yours for the journey. I admire those of you walking it alone. Most of the time it's not by choice so to do it, do it well, and not loose heart in the process is pretty cool. It's definitely harder, although without some of the relational drama. So WAY TO GO all you God-loving single people!!! I admire you. And am thankful I only have to live it temporarily.
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Monday, December 1, 2008
My holiday damper
Thanksgiving with Mark's family was great! It was wonderful to be with everyone and in traditional form, it was exceptionally relaxing!! I don't think Mark and I left the house once from when we arrived until we left, except to take a walk on Thanksgiving day. Friday was pretty fun because we never got out of our pjs and watched the entire Bourne Identity trilogy. I also started and finished a book that Mark's mom suggested (and brought another one home with me). We only took about 3 pictures the entire time, which I'm sure I'll regret later. But otherwiser it was wonderful to hangout and catch up with everyone and bond over the weekend.
But today I'm feeling really sad because Mark flew out 2 hours ago, for 12 days in Germany. He feels good about the potential he might come home earlier, but either way he's gone. I feel like there is a lot happening while he's gone, in addition to the holiday season, which we both really enjoy. It makes me not feel much like decorating since I probably won't spend tons of time at home while he's gone and when he comes home we only have a little over a week before we head to MT for Christmas.
The time right before he leaves it always bitter sweet because you love that you are still together but there's this anticipation of the time apart. I am always a tiny bit relieved when the separation has started and the count down to when he comes home has started. But it's really sad to be apart!! I start thinking about how he won't be next to me in bed, he won't be with me to get ready in the mornings, he won't be there to tease me about silly things and smile at me and laugh at me in the car when I try and sing. He won't be there for me to try and feed or pick up from work or drop off at work or take care of. It's just me.
Those of you who are already single will, I assume, say, "that is nothing! Try living every day like that!" So I'm not down playing anyone else's life. This time often makes me think of Barb or my email friend Addie, who once had it good and now don't. But it sort of doesn't make me feel much better because Mark still won't be there when I get home or be simply a phone call away or just down the road at his work.
So with the strange morning spent dropping him off and breakfast together and now at work with a weird 2 weeks ahead of me and trying to wrap my brain around work after the holiday break, I'm just feeling very off today. I'm always a bit scared to see how I'll feel walking into our place alone for the first time after he's gone and wondering if I'll manage okay or burst into tears and if I'll like being at our place because it makes him feel not so far away or if I'll hate it because it's a huge reminder of the fact that he's gone. This is his 5 trip away since we have been married and I don't like it any more now than the first one.
On a side note, I decided not to paint. I still want my downstairs painted but I have too many other things I need to get done that are much higher priority and honestly, don't have the $100+ it would take for the paint and supplies. So, that project will have to wait for another time!
I'm sure I will think on the bright side and try and focus on the fun things happening over the next 2 weeks, but for right now it just seems super sad and I fight off tears if I think about it and dread going home. I think I'll end up Barb's place most nights.
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