Thoughts on life with God

There are areas of my life in which I wonder, is this all I was supposed to do? Is this really all God had in mind for me?

I've yet to determine the answer to these questions. I try and make sure my filters are on and turned up high. My filters are questions I ask myself like, are you looking for satisfaction in this thing instead of God? Are you defining yourself by this thing instead of God? This area of my life seems to pass through these filters, time and time again. Sometimes the answers are good and sometimes they prompt some soul work. And yet, I'm still here. Why?

In this area of my life, why does this seem to be all God has planned for me?

Or is it and I'm missing a boat? No. Something in my gut tells me I'm supposed to be here. But I don't know why.

Last night in my book study group I mentioned that the first thing I want to do when I get to heaven is sit in front of a big 3-D screen (but without the stupid glasses that give you headaches) like at Omsi, in comfy reclining chairs, with God at my side, and replay my entire life. We briefly discussed last night what kind of emotions we might have or not have in heaven so I'm not sure if I'll cry at times or be embarrassed. But I want God to show me my life and explain why things happened the way they did.

Of course, then I'll say, OH!! That makes perfect sense. Wow! You really did know what you were doing. I should have trusted you more.

If I KNOW I will say that then, why can't I just trust him more now? I feel like I have a decent imagination, but even I can only come up with really weird or crazy ideas that seem too far-fetched to put any stock into why things play out the way they do sometimes.

But I will admit that I frequently I fall into the trap of thinking I have a better way. Thinking I know the way that would be best for me.

That's the one filter I never seem to get through, am I trusting God that He really does have my best interest in mind in this situation?

Most of the time, my answer is no.