Don't hate me, but I'm selling...

I know, everyone is always trying to sell you something. And I've just joined the ranks! But I have to say, I'm very excited about it! I feel a bit like an infomercial when I tell people, but it's just fun. So here's why I'm becoming a rep:
- I like to meet people and talk, so it's a good fit!
- I like to eat and doing a party is a chance to share food with others.
- I love the product so appreciate being able to talk about how neat it is.
- I've always wanted to sell something like this and hadn't ever heard of this product until a couple months ago and thought it was rad, so figured now is as good a time as any!
- And of course, being able to earn money to fund my spending habits (but I'm being honest when I say this is more of an added benefit).

Here's what I'm selling. It's called Demarle and it's cool. (And here comes the sales "ask") So if you like what you see on the website and want to hear more about it or want to host a party to earn money towards buying something you like (I won't lie, the stuff's not cheap), then let me know. I can also do what's called a "Show & Go" where I just come and make you something to demonstrate the radness of this stuff. Or if you just like a chance to get your friends together, I'll do all the work!!

Mark turned 30!!

My dear husband turned 30 and in his desire to NOT be the center of attention, I tried to lay fairly low in the celebration of this special occasion. Although his birthday celebration went on for quite a while!! It started with cake the night his parent's came to visit in late September, then moved into a "small" family and close friend party on the 3rd and then his actual birthday on the 9th. Celebrated with Bruce and Barb out at a movie. It all ended with a fancy dinner out with just Mark and I. He'd been asking for an excuse to do a nice steak dinner in Portland so we figured this was as good an occasion as ever. It was very nice and a wonderful end to the birthday festivities!

The Ironman cake our friend Trisha made.

Mark and I at his family party.

I meant to post several more pictures but through wrestling with blogger, I finally gave up!

Purpose

Since my last blog title sounded almost like a confession, I feel like this one should, "I struggle with purpose".

I supposed it is like a confession. I struggle with purpose. I always have. When doing a "nothing" job I wonder what contribution I'm making to the world and when I have a purposeful job, I wonder why I don't feel like I'm making more of an impact.

Working at a church as an admin is difficult in that you aren't as close to the action. I feel like I can see how everyone around me could feel a sense of purpose, but I don't really. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy my job (yes, even making copies), there is something rewarding about checking things off my list every day. Right now I have a little bit invested in a lot of things that it doesn't feel like I have one single focus.

But I DO have a single focus... God! I just don't know what that looks like when I wake up in the morning. Last night I didn't have to do anything. In fact, that is how I spent my weekend so last night I didn't feel like just sitting on the couch was the way to go (literally, that is what I did for half of Saturday), so I opted for working on a sewing project. But when you wake up the next morning knowing that you did nothing to contribute to the world the night before, or all weekend, then you wonder... "what the he** is my purpose?"

I don't struggle with purpose all the time and I definitely don't just sit on my couch all the time. Last weekend was a rare slow one and I loved it!! But in the days where purpose seems a far off thing and the dreams you make up that seem like would make your life feel like it has purpose (e.g. "if only I was doing blank, then I'd have purpose"), don't happen... what do you do?

In my peacemaking study (by the way, I don't have an answer to the aforementioned question), they talk about how conflict can reveal idols (a.k.a. good desires gone bad) and I feel like that's what my current struggle for purpose is doing. Something I want, isn't happening, and it makes me frustrated. My frustration examined reveals a desire that I've elevated to a demand, need, etc. My good desire needs to be let go of, brought captive back to God, and my knees back on the floor as I desperately plea with God to help me let go of my idol, desire, and even hope for tangible purpose, and trust that what he says in Psalm 84:11, "no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless". And although my walk is far from blameless, I don't think he withholds something good from me (even though that's what it feels like). Oh why does it always feel like what I want and what God wants are so far off???

I do poorly at everything I just mentioned. I don't trust God. I don't get on my knees. I don't look to him as my purpose. I am not content. I am never satisfied. I get discouraged that I will never be content or satisfied. I am always seeking after something. I always think my new thing will make me happy and solve all my problems. And this is the truth. I am convinced I will never know my purpose. I am convinced that God doesn't intent me too. That his intention (or purpose) is exactly what I'm doing right now. I'm not succeeding, failing, or anything. I'm just living. Granted it's pathetic sometimes and a poor excuse for a Jesus follower. But this is the best I got. And I think that's all he wants.

I like to not feel like I'm failing so I think that if all of that is really true, then I feel better ;)

I am a peacemaker

I figured if I declare it on my blog then it will make me more responsible to live this way. Although given my actions last night at home, you'd never know it!! Funny how God gives us opportunities to practice our newly acquired skills so quickly!! I think I passed and then dramatically failed tests yesterday. Let me tell you more...

11 years ago I interned for the summer at a ministry called Peacemaker Ministries. It was the summer before my Sr year of highschool. I read The Peacemaker that summer. It changed my life. Before I read the book I didn't think I had conflict and afterwards I realized my life was riddled with it!! And I now had great tools in how to deal with it.

Fast forward a year, I had fallen in love with the ministry over the summer and was offered a job after I graduated so I moved out there (Billings, MT) 2 weeks after I walked the stage.

I started off in the resource department and moved up to the event coordinator within a year. I LOVED it!! But lots of work! A year later the job was divided 3 ways and I ended up as the Annual Conference Coordinator. I coordinated 2 more conferences, 3 in total, before I moved to Portland, OR to pursue school. During my time at Peacemakers I had attended a mediation training course but wasn't really sure what to do with the information.

Back to Portland, As you may already realize, I didn't get very far in school ;) 3 years at community college doesn't add up to much. But lack of $$ is kind of hindrance.

During this time I'd been applying what I had learned at Peacemakers and in the book through different areas of my life and with my friends. Although not many people know me as someone who can help with conflict (perhaps I didn't advertise or didn't do a very good job of it myself), but we talked about it casually.

But I still love the ministry of peacemaking. Now it has extended past the ministry itself and into what God can do through reconciliation. Sometimes we don't actually solve or fix anything but we've reconciled with Christ or done what we could to reconcile with another. It's so powerful!! There can be so much hope in conflict. The Peacemaker material suggest we have 3 opportunities in every conflict we face, to glorify God, to serve others, and through those two things, to grow to be more like Christ. And just because you read that, you'll probably have a chance to use it... so watch out!! ;)

This past summer God provided some open doors to start a *Peacemaking Team at my church. Through prayer and green lights, our team of 4-8 (not sure how many it will end up being) are working through reading the book and doing the small group study together. We also have a Peacemaker Seminar on the calendar for January. I am STOKED to have an opportunity to be involved on this level!

God also provided the means for me to attend Peacemaker's Annual Conference and Conflict Coaching Training last week. I attended the coaching first and was graciously guided through sharing Christ-centered peacemaking principles with others through role-plays and demonstrations. I was amazed at how it all fell together and was SO thankful for the opportunity to learn these skills as we encounter people who need help with conflict in every area of life! (I've already had a chance to use some of what I learned!!) And my role-play partner even spoke redemptive and encouraging words to me as we role played sharing Christ's promises to someone dealing with heart issues of being "not-enough". I nearly cried!! And it was a role play!! I briefly shared with him my story of feeling inadequate to lead a team at church and he shared encouraging scripture with me.

By the end of the training on Thursday, before the conference even started, I felt like I had been filled more than I had hoped!!!!

The conference continued with amazing speakers and encouraging workshops that shared, over and over again, Christ and what he's done for us and why we do peacemaking. As Pastor John Stumbo so beautifully put it, "we don't do this [peacemaking] to get results. We do it because it's right." I could say so much more but I just wouldn't know where to start! Between the amazing people and the fantastic words I heard and the amazing flood of peace that God washed over my heart last week I just feel encouraged and eager to share with others what God has shared with me and confident that he has me where he wants me, even if I don't understand.

Other than being eager to share the excitement of all I absorbed last week, why am I saying all of this? For 2 reasons. 1 is selfish, I want to be held accountable for what I know. If I know that others are watching and that I've committed myself in so many ways, it will give me greater pause before responding in a conflict or potential conflict situation. And 2, because I want YOU to have the encouragement I've received.

May we seek to glorify God through your conflict and serve others as you grow to be more like Christ! If you want more info about all this, check out the links I included throughout my blog or let me know and we can talk about it. I'd love to share the hope of reconciliation!


*Dislaimer: it's not that Sunset or any church has more conflict than another or is in more desperate need of peacemaking than another, but that the church should be the example of reconciliation to others. Because Christ has given us (and everyone) the opportunity to reconcile to him! What more could we do for others than to extend them the same grace we've been extended. Not simply overlooking any offenses but by showing Christ in the way we resolve the offense or dispute, confessing our sins in the contribution we made to the situation and by forgiving, as Christ forgave us. It's really all about the gospel!!

Floaters

Seems like our life is leveling out a little so there isn't as much to blog about. So I'll do the floating thought version...

- I'm excited to head out tomorrow morning for the Peacemaker conference. Not so excited about my super early flight, but it's a small price to pay. But I'm very much looking forward to taking the Conflict Coaching training and getting a refresher on how to help others through conflict, as well as attending the team workshops to learn as much as possible as we start our team here at Sunset. I'm feeling highly inadequate and I won't feel any more so after the event but at least I won't have as many excuses ;)

- Friday I had off so did crafts. Well, I spent the morning buying the supplies for my crafts and only worked on them for about 3 hours but got them finished!! You'll have to come by our place to see what I was working on (speaking of which, ladies I'm hosting a Demarle party which is mostly an excuse to have people over so if you didn't get my evite this morning let me know and I'll send it to you... all are invited!).

- My crafts were for our guestroom and something in me clicked this weekend and I got all inspired to work on putting our guestroom more together. We got a few things hung on the wall, plan to hang more, moved everything out of the room that didn't have a place to go to either a more permanent location or the garage for storage. I felt REALLY good about the progress and feel more ready to have people come by.

- I'm really enjoying my pieced-together schedule. I feel a bit like God hand selected the things I'm doing with just enough normality/routine, interest, responsibility, and money to make it all work. It's very fun!!

- After about 5+ phone calls and a cumilitive 20+ transfers and probably up to 3+ hours on the phone we still don't have our Internet/phone stuff finalized. We thought we had it mostly good to go until our Internet went out this weekend. Problem still isn't fixed. I HATE how long I'm on hold to get these things resolved. My last call I was transferred at least 4 different times to get to the right place and then finally gave up (although they did give me a phone number to call back... same number I called originally for the other thing I tried to take care of). For the most part I'm not unhappy with this company, just hate how long the calls take. Feels like I need to plan for at least 1.5 hours per "situation" I need to take care of.

- We are doing okay on our new budget so far, thank God! Although we're both making sacrifices and I find myself saying 'no' to things more often. We do get to occasionally say 'yes' but then the lack of cash in my wallet reminds me why I had been saying 'no' before. Not using cash sure helps you not be aware of the money you have. Using cash makes truth a hard reality. But we just do better on a cash-only budget.

- Soon I'll write about my current journey with God stuff. Right now I'm enjoying the GIFT Bible study and a renewed energy to spend time with God and being committed to attending the weekly Bible study.

Week in review

I feel like I'm playing catch up. 

Mark and I had a great time last weekend celebrating our 1st year wedding anniversary. It was on the 2nd (Tuesday) but we decided not to tell people and celebrate it that weekend since we both had to work the day of our anniversary and I had an evening meeting I couldn't get out of. Seemed like a lame way to celebrate so we pretended like it was the 6th instead.

We had a free night at a nearby Marriott so booked it for that night. I had the day off (Friday) so did some things around the house that morning and then scrapbooked with a friend in the afternoon. I picked Mark up around 5 and we headed to dinner. We decided to just drive towards our hotel and pick a place on the way. We opted for Bugattis, which is yummy! Especially their crazy-awesome garlic and oil dipping sauce. Not sure garlic was the right choice, but we both had it so I hear that makes it okay. 

We got in our car and drove only about 2 blocks to the hotel. It really was so close to both our work places that we just laughed. Mark joked around when we went to check in and made loud comments like, "sure was a long trip from New York". We got into our room, which was nice and... well, I won't share the details ;) But we had a great little 18 hour overnighter. 

Even though we didn't have much money to spend and stayed at a hotel close to like everything we do, it was still fun and we felt like we adequately celebrated. We didn't get each other anything but cards (which was sort of a funny story as well) and cried when we read what each other wrote. It was sweet.

This week I had my first nanny day and look forward to my Wednesday's in the future and worked a VeggieTales show up in Washington. I also committed to helping coordinate an event in January, received a gift of a plane ticket to the Peacemaker Conference in Florida for next week (the 23-28th), and might end up with another side project I have yet to confirm. 

After yesterday's long day, it was nice to have a day at home with Mark. We slept late, relaxed with lots of dvds, cleaned (the place looks great!), took a walk to the store, and made a yummy dinner! I'm about to enjoy a little dessert before heading to bed since I need to be at church at 5am to open the doors for load-in for the VeggieTales show Sunset is hosting. It's a volunteer gig, but probably my last one as the new guy taking over events should be a shoe-in for working these if he's up for it. 

This week Mark's parents are coming for a quick visit on Monday evening, I have a Peacemaking Ministry Team meeting on Tuesday night (at Sunset), GIFT on Wednesday night, the gym on Thursday night, and... I think half mild weekend before I head to Florida the following Tuesday. I hate leaving or being away from my husband but really thankful for the opportunity to go!

What I've been doing...

- getting FIOS instead of DSL (apparently that's all they have in these new places, it's more expensive but super fast!)

- adjusting to my new schedule, you'll get no complaints out of me for having every Friday off!

- trying to keep our house in order, catching up on laundry, cooking, trying to organize things that I need to create an organizational system for, etc.

- enjoyed 6 fantastic days in MT for JR & Molly's Wedding!!

Yes, they ARE that good looking! And nice too ;)

Some of the fam at the reception. Oregon represent!

This week I'm looking forward to working a VeggieTales show in Washington on Friday and another one at Sunset on Sunday. I also have my first Wednesday nanny gig this week, which will be fun. For now I'm enjoying super fast FIOS ;)