Sort of checking out for a bit

I'm at work right now. Things are flowing well at the wedding reception I'm helping with so I thought I'd take a break to rest my feet. Now that I'm married I really enjoy weddings. It's fun to attend with my husband because we get all the joys without it being OUR day! I love to remember our beautiful wedding day but look back with thankfulness that it's over. And really feel like it reflected who we are so I have no regrets.

Today is my last day as Event Coordinator here at Sunset. It's bittersweet. Bitter because I feel like I'm just starting to get a hang of things and really love helping make events come off wonderfully. I love thinking through details, planning for contingencies, and making decisions on the fly as things change. It's sweet because I feel God is ushering me into a new phase of life that he has his hand upon. He seemed to have his hand on this part of life, but there's something a little different about the next phase. Perhaps it's my renewed dependence on him or something, not sure.

To go along with my new phase of life I cut a little more off my hair than normal (I wanted a change and can't really do anything more drastic with my hair ;) when I saw my hair dresser on Thursday. I'm still getting used to it. I'm not one to shy away from hair change as I figure it will either grow out or fade so why not try it. I'd always wish I had if I chickened out at the last minute!

Mark comes home tomorrow and I'm SOO ready for him to be back!! I was never ready for him to be gone but don't think I could handle another day of him being away. Especially right now when I am thankful for him being the one stable and constant thing. He cares for me in a way I never imagined and I appreciate being able to care for him in return. We truly have the sweetest union and it's far better than I had hoped or dreamed!!!

After I leave work today (in a couple hours) I'm not going to be at email, blogs, etc much for a week. We don't have Internet up at home yet (I've just been lazy and haven't called after we discovered it wasn't working) and leave early Tuesday morning for a week in MT for some family time. I love the timing of this trip as it gives me time to separate from my work here and come back refreshed and ready to hit the ground running with my new work. And I'm SOOO looking forward to time with the family!! I love celebrations and occasions to rejoice and take pictures!

Life. Flipped upside down and around

As my new schedule takes shape (just confirmed some things today), my life feels more and more turned upside down. Here are some contrasts:

Now - work a 40 hour week at 1 job
After 9/1 - work a 25 hour week at 1 job and like 16 at another

Now - work only with adults
After 9/1 - will spend 16 of my hours hanging out with 2 little kiddos

Now - work some evenings and weekends
After 9/1 - no more evenings or weekends unless it's a volunteer gig or my choice ;)

Now - am a leader in my area of work
After 9/1 - will be support staff for leaders in my area of work

Now - have ultimate flexibility
After 9/1 - not as much flexibility, but some

My new schedule: Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday work as admin support on the Worship & Creative Arts team at church. Same desk, same team, different job.
Wednesday and Friday I will nanny for 2 kids around the age of 3.
Evenings and weekends, whatever! ;)

As my final days of work at my job are winding down I'm beginning to realize how drastically things will be changing. Sometimes I look forward to the change and other times I'm a little scared. But no matter what I feel the change won't stop coming. I'm glad I have all next week to let it sink in and get "ready" so when I come home I can hit the ground running!!

I really think we can choose how we feel how about our life and right now I'm going to choose to enjoy the new stage. It's a fantastic change and I'm looking forward to hanging out with little kids a couple days a week. It will be the ultimate in variety!! I am also looking forward to my change in roles at church and feel good about the person who is taking over some of what I do. I'm also looking forward to handing off all the stuff that doesn't really fit on my desk!! I guess that if God guides us where he wants that it's comforting to know that he guided me to where I am right now. So right now THIS is what he's called me to and I want to serve him well no matter what my station of life is. I mean, if you can serve well in a small role then how much better you can serve in a big role!!

Mark left this past Sunday for a week in Taiwan. It could have been longer but they want to respect our trip planned next week, so he's coming home on Sunday. It's WAY easier to deal with a one week trip and for sure end date then the open ended ones that are estimated for 2+ weeks he normally goes on. I spent the night alone at our new place last night (I was at Barb's the night before). It was actually not too bad. I think it sort of helped that we are completely out of routine and have only been there for a little over 2 weeks and spent that time out of our normal routine. So there is no normal right now. I think we are now going to re-invent normal.

By the way, Mark doesn't want me to post pictures of the new place until our Mom's come to visit. So it might be a few months ;)

My Own Little Mini Identity Crisis

I believe I'm having a little mini identity crisis right now in my life. I think that always happens with change, especially some unwanted change. Although I'm used to the idea of the change now, so am not fighting it. But it's never easy to leave a job/position, even when you made the choice, much less when you didn't. I find myself exceptionally unmotivated while at work lately and trying my hardest to push through. Mark has been laughing at me this week as I call him around 4 asking if he'll be ready to leave right at 5 (we never leave at 5).

It's also difficult to assess exactly what you need to get done before you leave when (ideally) your tasks will be simply be handed off. I'm trying to work ahead a little every day and was behind enough that I still need to catch up. I might not find out who I'm passing off to until next week. Not much time to bring someone up to speed. Although I'm not really sure how to bring someone up to speed anyway. It should be fine.

It's difficult to try and detach from a job you created. Once I start detaching I'm ready to leave. So the next 9ish days will be hard. Although I'm also driven by a desire to finish well, but lets just say that when we leave for our trip to MT, I will be VERY ready for a week off! Timing sure worked out well to finish one job, take a week vacation and then start a new one.

So back to the identity crisis. Since I'm leaving a full-time job and moving to a part-time job it really changes your thoughts about your job/role as it's not longer in the "career" category. But I'm not exactly trading it for something else big so feel like I might flounder for a bit as I seek God and just live my little puttering life for a while. I have no doubt I will stay busy, as that's never been my problem. I tend to fill up my time before it's even available and only accomplish 1/4 of what I had aspired to. Filling my time helps me not think about how it's an awkward time. It's not that I had my identity wrapped up in my job, but you tend to think of yourself by what you do. I was an event coordinator and now... what am I? Even if I say I'm what my part-time title is, it's only part-time, so what am I the rest of the time? Like I said, awkward time.

But in all of this I'm thankful for the roles I have that are NOT changing, like child of God, wife, daughter, sister, niece, sister-in-law, friend, etc.

I know I haven't posted a pic in a while (like I said, I'm a bit off my game in life right now), here's one I took with my phone this morning. This is a graphic description of how I'm feeling right now in life ;)

Running update

I akeep forgetting to share an update on running. When I got the news about my job ending and the need for "tightening our belts" was starting to hit, I immediately cut my plan to run the Portland Marathon.

We put $30 a month towards running expenses (race registrations and shoes) and I've used it ALL up until now. The Portland Marathon has a $90 registration fee and since my running partner and I have been struggling significantly in our running this year and had planned to just "get through" the race and not train hard, it was a no-brainer. Trisha, my running partner, was actually relieved and I have been too. So the $30 a month towards running has been cut from the budget.

Trisha does have a relay race in a couple weeks and I'm trying to run with her when I can but since I've barely fit 1 run in per week, I'm not doing so well. Once her race is over we are worried we won't run at all. But with her wedding coming up in January we are determined to try and stay in shape so will probably do some kind of gym routine.

So looks like the distance running season of my life is over, for now... we may pick it back up again one day. Honestly, it's nice to have a break but I'd be lying if I said I don't look back at pictures of myself from last year with a hint of disappointment that I'm not in that shape now.

New Life??

It feels like I'm starting a new life. My old one wasn't bad but God seemed interested in taking me another direction.

September 2nd (the day after we get back from the MT trip) I start my new part-time job (I'll share more on that later so just hang in there). I was thankful to get the offer before I got the 2 rejection letters for the other jobs I had interviewed for. I think I sent my resume out to at least 10-14 job ads and I guess 2 calls in today's economy isn't bad.

My new job is part-time and I hope to help subsidize my new half income with some side projects that look promising, but aren't set in stone yet. Although after making a quick stop for sale shoes at DSW I had dreams of working there as well... but I would never bring my paycheck home ;)

With a part-time job I feel like my life is changing. I'm thankful to be in a position where I don't have to work full-time (although it would be better for us financially), but I also don't know what to think of this change. I will only be working half-time so feel like my focus will no longer be on my job but on the rest of the life. My focus wasn't on my job entirely, but you know what I mean. My goal is no longer to make money.

I have no idea what God has in mind for my life since my event job seemed perfect and in some ways I felt like I had "arrived". I think there's something that feels good about doing the job you thought you wanted. I did want the job and I think I did it well. But it wasn't where I was supposed to stay and I don't really understand that.

So on our 1st wedding anniversary with the purchase of our 1st home under our belts and moving into my 3rd job in one year, I feel like I'm embarking on a new adventure.

And never being a girl without a plan, here are the things I hope to do while on this adventure: spend the first part of my newly acquired time off with God, learn to cook more complicated meals with my extra time, hang out with friends, continue setting up our little house, plant an indoor herb garden, make a quilt of my running shirts, and try to rest in God and trust that he has me where he wants me and follow whatever call he may give me during that time.

But I can't shake the feeling that this is HUGE! And I just have no idea why it's happening or what I'm supposed to do with it. But as I sometimes tell others, I'm just going to do the next thing.

In case some of you may be wondering (because we are getting questions and comments), "what about kids?" We aren't quite there yet.

Leadership

Yesterday and today Sunset is a satellite location for Willow Creek's Leadership Summit. It's a big event and we spend from February to August gearing up for it. Although this year's attendance was lower than previous years, we're still around 500 (not to mention volunteers). Having this many people on-site is a lot for the facilities staff, but they do a fantastic job and the event manager for the event did a bang-up job on selecting coordinators for each area! As well as a great job herself! The event is going beautifully. So well in fact that I've found myself being able to attend the sessions if I want, which is pretty cool!

I LOVE conferences!! They are refreshing to me. I've attended them since I was young and always thought you can get something from any of them at any age and no matter what capacity you are in.

So yesterday I sat in my chair (going in late and coming out early) finding my heart a little refreshed. I think my heart has been emptying out for a while and I'm not sure why or how. One of today's speakers talked about "IT" and how to get IT and keep IT and I realized while listening to that session this morning that I've lost IT. I'm not sure how or why or when, but IT is gone. And as I've sat here yesterday and today letting the words and inspiring ideas and thoughts wash through my system and then hearing the talk about IT today, I thought maybe God was telling me (in his own subtle way) that he wants to help me get IT back.

My current season of life is new to me. I've never been married, I've never owned a home, I've never been in the position where I have some freedom when considering my next step in employment. And even though my event job seemed perfect for me, it didn't help me get IT or keep IT. Again, not sure why or how. But I think I thought this job and the things I have in life right now would solve my universal desire for IT and they don't. And it's sad to realize this but also freeing.

So I bought the book he wrote about IT and I'm looking forward to starting this new season and I will try and remember to, daily, give God the life that I'm living and ask him to help me get IT back (whatever IT is). That my spirit would find rest in him and my security would be in him. And thank him for my wonderful husband, for our beautiful houm, and to serve him in the roles I'm playing and will play in life.

I hate being sappy and cheesy on my blog, but whatever! This is where I am and I thought I'd write it up.

We're moved!!!

We're moved!! Christina and I spent Friday taking loads of kitchen items over and unpacking as we went and Saturday we had lots of help and were finished by 1:30!

We LOVE our new place!!! And are really pleased with the small things we chose to purchase before moving in that gave us just the right amount of "new" feeling. The kitchen is beautiful and so is our dining area, which is fun. And the little kitchen nook that we bought the table for looks fantastic! This week is pretty busy at work but we want to try and get pictures hung so will work on one room each evening until it's finished. Our 2 other rooms aren't at all moved in but there's no rush on those, we'll do them as we can. And I guess this week we'll test out our AC since it's supposed to be nearly 100 today!

Thanks to everyone who helped with physical labor, moral support and financially. We're SO excited to have taken this step, even with my job situation being uncertain. The new place is really beautiful and we are excited to be making this investment!

We were pleased this morning to discover the route we thought would be the most efficient to work took pretty much the same amount of time as our route from the old place. So that was cool!