Guilt? Or blissful ignorance?

Would I rather know and feel guilty next time? Or would I rather stay uninformed and possibly continue making poor decisions?

Quite a few years ago I decided to try something healthy and ordered a salad at Wendy's... instead of my usual burger. Although I shouldn't say "usual" as eating at Wendy's (or most fast food places) has never been "usual" for me. Anyway, I felt proud of myself for choosing salad. Right before tearing open the packet of salad dressing I glanced at the nutrition facts on the back and wanted to toss the packet like it was a big hairy spider suddenly found on my hand... it was HIGH on everything I didn't want!! I couldn't believe it and decided it was probably equivalent to the burger I wanted anyway and made a mental decision to choose what I wanted instead of what I thought was good for me. Which seemed to be equal anyway.

So occasionally the mood strikes me and I order a salad instead of something else. This happened again when I frequented Baja Fresh consistently a couple years ago. A friend and I went there almost weekly after working out. I would order the ultimo burrito and eat as much as I wanted to and save the little bit I couldn't eat for lunch the next day. Being curious one day I looked online at the nutrition facts and was MORTIFIED at what I was putting in my body. I started noticing how big the burrito was and felt nasty about putting that much burrito into my body (even though I knew I could stuff it in). So when I did order the burrito, I would only eat half and save the other half for the next day.

Then I discovered their salads. You load on the salsa mixed with sour cream and all those black beans and the crispy shell were like biting into a tasty piece of heaven! If I had to eat salad, this was the way I wanted it!! They did a little revamp of the salad part way through my 2+ year love-fest and I started getting to a point where I was polishing off almost the entire thing including the shell. Again, a too-easy search online told me I was putting a disgustingly high number of fat and calories into my body... from a salad??

Today it happened again. On the day after I get inspired by the finale of Biggest Looser and yet still choose to skip the gym (for my 4th time or something, just this week), I went to lunch with my husband at Quiznos and in a mental moment of wanting to "eat healthy", choose a salad over the all too enticing sandwiches. I resisted the urge to overload it with dressing (I LOVE dressing, but the fear of that Wendy's moment flashes through my head) and I settle for what is probably the equivalent of 2 servings anyway, which they conveniently put into one dish. I didn't finish the salad, gave one of the 4 slices of yummy flat bread to my husband and feel good about my decision.

In a moment of weakness I just checked the nutrition facts and discovered I would have been better off ordering a too-large-to-fit-in-my-stomach sub with all the fixings then a bear version of my yummy salad (not including the bread). I want to vomit, but choose not to because I'd just get hungry again sooner than normal.

I feel like the choice is either eat food I don't like, doesn't have enough sauce, and might as well be the cardboard box I have sitting in my kitchen waiting for a trip to the recycle bin, and get even more self-conscious when I don't loose any weight (after all that effort!!). Or eat the juicy burger, burrito with chips and cookie I really crave and at least enjoy the calories that will end up displayed on my hips!

Until I resolve this life-long issue, I'll choose to try and workout at least 3 days a week (and not kill myself when I choose something else instead), eat the burrito in moderation, try veggies when I have choice, and still enjoy the cookies! However it will come at the cost of having smaller thighs. I am constantly trying to determine which one I want more... smaller thighs or yummy food? Looks like I've pretty much always selected the latter ;)