The day before

It's the day before Mark leaves. These days are always kind of hard. I'd HATE to be in a situation where he was leaving for longer than 2 weeks. I honestly don't know how military families survive without their loved ones!!

I'm up and down. Part of me cherishes the time together, but always with a bitter sweet taste. Great to be together, but sad knowing we'll be apart in less than 12 hours. It's probably good I'm working tomorrow morning. Last time he left I came home and cried. Not that that's bad, but isn't necessarily a good time either. 

The laundry is all caught up, the taxes have been done, the errands have been run, there are plans for dinner (although it's not started yet) and we're on our second to last activities before he packs and I do a small project. 

Part of me feels like this trip is worse since it's so close to his previous one. The memory of knowing how hard it will be to have him away is pretty fresh. On the other hand, the routine I get myself into when he's gone, is also kind of fresh so I'll be curious to see if it's easier or harder. Or perhaps the same. Either way, it's lame!!

Because I like to plan my life while he's gone to help keep me from spending my days pining away, here's what I have going on:

Sunday - work, run, scrapbook with Trisha, stay at Barb's (alone)

Monday - meet halfway between here and Seattle to spend the day with Marla, stay at Barb's (alone)

Tuesday - work as much as I can handle, probably run at the gym, stay at Barb's (alone)

Wednesday - same as Tuesday, but with a hair appointment (yippee!!)

Thursday - same as Tuesday

Friday - fly to Burbank to meet up with Barb and drive back with her

Saturday - drive

Sunday - drive

Monday thru Friday - work and try not to think about how much I miss my husband, it will help that Barb will be home. I'll have a buddy.

Friday or Saturday - head to Whidbey for a half marathon and hopefully Mark will be home by or around that time

Sunday - run a half marathon with Trisha, our first of the year. I don't expect it to be my best time ever, but am looking forward to the shirt, it's one of my favorite race shirts from last year! 

It seriously bums me out that he's leaving!! I've never gotten tired of being around him, in fact never feel like we have enough time together! We have fun doing anything together and laugh all the time and one of my favorite things is sleeping next to him at night. Which, is why I sleep at Barb's, fewer memories of Mark over there than the apartment we share together. I love our little place, but sitting in a space absorbed with wonderful memories of your absent life partner is just asking for heartache. Don't get me wrong, I think it's good to cry and mourn the loss of someone, even if it's just for a few weeks, but how much should you intentionally put your heart through?

I know God has a reason for everything and have pondered what his reasons might be for taking my favorite person away for a couple weeks, to a place we couldn't afford for me to go along, ever. I haven't come up with the answer, but wonder if a small thing could be Him giving me a chance to reconnect. As a married woman, you truly are distracted. It's wonderful and from God and SO great!! But also nice to connect with my "first love" (if you will). I don't want time away from Mark. I don't even feel like I need time away from Mark. But perhaps God knows more than I do about what I need? I'm not suggesting I know that this is the purpose of why He takes Mark away, but I'd like to be hopeful and would otherwise think it's God torturing me. Thinking God just wants me to hangout with him more is nicer than thinking God wants to make my life miserable ;)

So, I'm going to try and keep this in mind this week (and next) instead of getting angry about the situation. I prefer to not choose the angry route, but have recently more than I would like. 

With that, I'm off to organize a few things before I start dinner. We're doing breakfast for dinner and it should be yummy! We'll watch a movie while we eat and then head to bed, where I'll lay in what I call Mark's "arm crease" and probably cry a little as I think about how I won't get to snuggle up to his perfect man body for 2 whole weeks!! And then I'll go to sleep and say good bye in the morning and start counting down the days!!! Although, that's a little hard when his return is always kind of up in the air.